Missy Monday's

Happy Happy Monday.... a few happy's since I didn't have work today! That's one good thing about the holidays and working in an elementary school, VACATIONS! 

So, with that said, it has continued to be a crazy week with more things on the calendar than I would like, but when Saturday rolled around, after working my respite job, it marked the start of my eleven days in a row off from work!! And that made Missy very happy. 

"I want to contribute to this relationship," I told Missy as we were sitting at my mom's kitchen table with her for a bit earlier this evening. My mom's reaction, "wow, that's a change huh." As it sure is a change from my past relationships; however, I am not the type of person to just sit back and have everything done for me, as I tried once again to do the laundry to her liking. Never again. The laundry is all hers, as she reminded me ever so nicely. Also stating that I do contribute things to this relationship. As I know I do, but it is an adjustment for me. I have never been in a relationship where someone has been so beyond excited to see me come home from the end of a work day, or thrilled that she will have the next eleven days with me, never mind want to do the laundry and shopping for the house. So, we tend to both be stubborn sometimes in finding our ways in this new blossoming relationship and heads are bumped and bruised, but with no hard feelings or bad intentions. We are both very caring and loving people who want to give give give and are far too humble when receiving care or gifts or any other kind gestures. 

More tears, laughs and silly looks and faces have been exchanged this week. Another week closer to each other's hearts, minds and bodies. She was made for me. 

let it out.

not sure how to start this one, so I am just writing. Because if I know anything it is that writing sometimes heals. Don't get me wrong, these past two months have been amazing, but with amazing, with the good comes the bad right? Talk about emotional? I have been over the top I feel like. It has to be this time of year and all the holiday hooplas, forced family fun, and being so close to Christmas vacation, a work vacation longer than a three day weekend, but still so far away these past few weeks. Meeting you again back in October was the best thing ever, and what we have blossomed into in these crazy two months, even better... yet we are still getting to know each other, live with each other's quirks and all that jazz, amidst the hustle and bustle of holiday parties, work parties, get togethers and family. 

I wouldn't suggest to anyone meeting someone around this time, yet again, meeting the one, the one you want to spend forever with because you know in your heart people just don't reappear into one another's lives over ten years or so. So I guess what I am really suggesting is that you not look for love, love just finds you. 

It finds you at your best, or your worst, when the season is hectic or you're home all the time by yourself doing nothing. You can't control it. It just happens. Just like we can not control the ones we love and care about so much that sometimes it's unhealthy and consumes your life more than it should. 

My brother has been depressed for years, to say the least, and even though all of what is going on in his life or not going on, he always texts me back. The other morning he did not. And the words he has said to my mother haunt me in my sleep, why would he say that, why would he voice such hurt and pain. Yet, Missy thinks it's a good thing, he is letting it out, and not keeping it in. 

Well, poor her, because I have been doing a lot of letting out. It's like I don't know how to be in a healthy loving relationship. I don't know how to talk, communicate without being defensive or snapping. I am trying too hard to make sure things go right, forgetting to breathe, not knowing how sometimes, and go go going because if I stop or slow down, I will burst at the seams with all my family's pain I am holding in. I hurt when they hurt, I want to fix them, but know I can't. 

So I need to continue to heal and fix myself. for me, for us, for this relationship. for the rest of my life. I need to breathe, slow down, let it all out, and keep going. You don't realize how hard it is to talk sometimes, especially when I am so good at talking and writing and meeting people. But going back to that quote we always hurt the ones we love most, why??? Just another thing that doesn't make sense to me. I don't want to hurt or hurt you. I may be a little rough around the edges, and need a little extra help in learning how to communicate better after years of not doing so much of that, walking on eggshells with loved ones, so instead we don't speak, we don't communicate through our words of love as we should be doing. Because people need to heal themselves, want to heal and help themselves. And us, their family, their loved ones... well we have to sit back, pray for them, worry for them, but most importantly just love them and be there for them if and when they do reach out. 

So thank you for holding me, catching me, helping me these past two months. The past two months are not my usual life, and if we make it to January 1, 2014, I'd say we are doing well. 

Missy Monday's

I want to write more, and why not write about the love I am going to marry next year!! Missy Monday's!! Doesn't it have a cute little ring to it? no pun intended.

Life is so unbelievably random sometimes, but no matter what has happened in my life, everything has a reason for happening the way things do. As frustrating as that may be, on the flip side, it can be absolutely breathtaking. That moment when you realize you have found your reason. Sorry if I may be repeating myself to some of my viewers, but love makes you do crazy things, as I have said before many times; however, this is a different kind of crazy. As if Lianne could get more crazy. I am so head over heels in love with her, it's so crazy.

Her hand fits in mine, her body molds to mine, her lips were made for mine. I knew that very cold sunset moment on the beach in Maine, my favorite spot I visit annually, that this my friends was the start of something worthy, something worthy of my time, love, and devotion. Although, I, like many of you, did not expect it to happen as quickly as it has. But why not. If I have learned anything my adult life, is time does not wait for anyone, life continues moving no matter what you do or don't do, so may as well do the things your heart tells you to do, why wait for the tomorrow you may not have.

You had me at "I will do the laundry from now on....," no but really, you will? Wow, that is amazing. It truly is the little things, the day to day tasks, the tedious stuff no one really wants to do, but that is life and those things must be done, but for once in my adult life, I am not the only one doing them. 

I have found my own little house wife, but that is just one of the many reasons I love her, don't worry. I love the way she loves me, the way she looks at me, the way she thinks I am beautiful when I'm sitting next to her at church cold as hell and my hair soaking wet because we had to shovel and shower quickly before sliding down the snowy road to get there. The way she thinks I'm beautiful and lovely when she is laughing at me because I have to plan every little thing, and then I get mad because I try to convince her and/or myself that I don't have to plan every little thing, sometimes I just like saying stuff out loud, it's my OCD or whatever. haha. And she still thinks I am beautiful, but not just on the outside, the inside too.

These are just some of the many reasons why I know deep in my heart, we were supposed to meet again 10+ years later...

'Til next manic missy monday... hahaha

"Love is in the air"

Life is so funny sometimes, I have been saying that for years now. I am also a true believer that everything does happen for a reason, despite not knowing the reasons at those moments or even ever. I have found my reason. She is my reason. She is the reason I kept living, hoping, and looking, without looking, for love, for someone to share my interests, dreams, hopes and life. 

I knew it the moment I hugged her on October 13, 2013 when we "met" for the first time after ten plus years or so ago being and living on the same college campus in Farmington Maine. She thought I was attractive then, and just not into girls...so as much surprise to her finding me on match.com and looking for love with girls, she was beside herself. To make a long story short, we've been talking ever since that Saturday night in October, through face book, texts and soon to be the phone, all day everyday. 

Love is surely in the air! Everything was moving so fast, yet so comfortably "fast." We were honestly taking things day to day, and one thing after another. I asked her to be my girlfriend, she moved from Maine to be with me a few weeks later, received her new Massachusetts state license in the mail, we talked about children and marriage, we went ring shopping, ER visits (she bought the ring the next day and much to her excitement, was frazzled and fell over a store sign...), asked my dad for his permission, kept it from my mom for three very, very long weeks, booked a wedding venue, now just the wait for her to ask me. Well....December12, 2013, Love was certainly in the air. 

Missy is very much a romantic, she is a lot like me in that way, even surprising me more and more each day with how she is, it's just who she is, and I am more than ok with that! Waking up to cards and laundry folded and whatnot is not unusual living with her, but little did I know that Thursday morning, December 12th, I was in for a surprise of a lifetime, despite the fact I knew we had a ring and a date and a wedding venue. I left for work at my usual time, where I found card #1 in my car waiting for me. So sweet. At the elementary school where I work, I had something in the office waiting for me. AAAHHHH I hate surprises, but secretly like them. Five beautiful pink roses waiting for me with card #2, talking about children and our future and how beautiful I am, that she hopes our children look just like me one day. Card #3 was waiting for me in my car as well after I decided to change up her plans a little bit and make her nervous because I hadn't gone to my mom's house before the gym like I had every other thursday! Card #3 with 3 white frames of our pictures and the box of matches I had gotten her on our first date. Later to find out, Missy thought card #3 was going to give it away that today was the day, but not the case. I made her more nervous by driving to the gym and talking to her on the phone about not even wanting to go to the gym, and people driving like crazies so I quickly rushed off the phone with her and went to the gym. Card #4 was in my car waiting for me after the gym, I saw it sitting there on the seat around 6:06 when I left the gym, and I was looking around the parking lot in amazement as if she was going to pop out of a tree or something. No worries, that didn't happen. Card #4 had me in tears, and when I opened up the last trifold it stated something like this, "now open the trunk there is a bag of clothes and everything in there, go back into the gym, take a shower and get ready, kind of hurry though because we have dinner plans at 7, and call me after you are ready to go and I will tell you where to meet me, I love you Lianne, and sorry I couldn't be there to blindfold you." AHHHHHHHH, I ran into the gym, shower, so frazzled and shaking, holding back the tears and excitement as best I could so people didn't think I was some crazy person smiling and crying to myself. hahaha. I was out of there by 6:30, in the car and on my way to the Boynton Restaurant. 

I called Erika and Michelle on the way there because after card #4, I knew this was it, this was really going to happen, and neither of them answered their phones!!!! Sarah answered hers, and I screamed a few times, and then had to get off the phone so I could semi-concentrate on getting to the restaurant in one piece! 

I parked my car in the lot, saw her waiting for me in the lobby, her elbows resting on her knees as she was leaning over in her seat, I looked up at her, locked eyes and had the biggest smile on my face. We greeted each other in the lobby, grabbed her hand and she led me to our table upstairs, as I thought um, ok why are we passing the hostess...but kept my hand in hers as she led the way. I walked up the stairs and in the corner table, there were five people holding up menus covering their faces, they took them down as we approached closer!! AAAHHHHHHH as I yelled out loud in the restaurant, good thing the restaurant was loud anyways! It was Missy's best friend Carmen, my friend Courtney and Erika, and my best friend Michelle and her fiance, Kyle. AAAAHHHH, As I pointed to them around the table, in the order listed above, you live in maine, you have work late, you are supposed to be on your way to boston, and you live in maine, what the heck are you guys doing here!!!! I WAS BEYOND EXCITED!!!! They even had the captain waiting for me with coke and a lime!! It was perfect, I could not stop smiling. Does it say stupid on my forehead, because Missy was still trying to act as if nothing was going to happen tonight, but rather tomorrow on the 13th. They were all here just for a pre-celebratory dinner. hahaha ya, ok! After dinner, plates were cleared, conversation continued and Missy headed to the bathroom...came back a long time after, it seemed like forever anyways, asked me to stand up with her, I kept saying stop it, stop it, and couldn't even look at her. Is this real life? Is this really happening? My friends had their phones out and Carmen was videotaping. And as far as I was concerned it was just Missy and I in the whole entire restaurant. She kneeled down on one knee, pulled the ring out of her pocket and asked me to marry her, in front my friends and strangers. I said yes and the cheers and applauses began!!!!! I was in my glory! She is my reason, my everything, my prize for surviving my past, the hardships, the losses of friends and loved ones, my questioning life and why it has to be so unfair, and the little hope I had left of finding someone I was suppose to spend my life with, share my happiness and sadness, my hopes and dreams. SHE IS MY REASON. 

The chocolate cake came out with "yes" written in pink icing, pictures were taken, congratulations were given, and it was the most perfect evening. One of many nights/days we will never forget as we have started our journey together in this crazy world we live in. 

Pain/Love

No one wants to see the ones we love in pain. Last night brought us closer together. It has been a crazy fun emotional past six weeks or so, and I am so in love with it, with the feeling of it all and the reality of it. I need to pinch myself! "Is this really happening" is said to one another almost on a daily basis.

I knew when she texted me like crazy tuesday morning at work, it was an emergency, and so I stepped out to call her immediately. She had just fallen at Macy's, hit her head on the glass jewelry counter and fell to the floor. Next thing she knew she woke up with people surrounding her, to be carried out on a stretcher. After vitals were taken and whatnot, she drove herself home. Don't worry, I yelled at her for that one. I left work as soon as I could to be with her, and so our afternoon/night began at UMass hospital. 

After about eight and a half hours, tears, laughs, CAT scan, MRI and X-rays, we were released to go home. Thankful for negative test results. Home by midnight, ate some dinner, and took some meds to bed. Per nurses orders I had to wake her every two hours, quizzed her to make sure she knew who I was and who she was. Fun times. I took the day to be with her and make sure she was resting. 

This was a different kind of pain, than other loved ones I am constantly worrying about, this was physical pain, the pain no humans can help, but simply rely on medications and technology and devices. I mean they can help the physical pain, but not really, not always. The day to day pain you endure and have endured for years, I wish I could take some of that pain away. The scare last night I had when the doctors were throwing words around like spine and MRI and paralysis, at times I just couldn't be strong for you when I should have been, but instead you were comforting me through my tears.

You only just found me, and I need you. I want you. You were meant for me, and I was meant for you. Don't ever scare me like that again, you! But like you said, everything happens for a reason, and I myself have always believed that, even though I never knew the reasons... you are my reason. Now I know. You are the one I have been waiting for, for a very long time. I love you, I am so in love with you, getting to know you, be with you, care for you, be cared for by you. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. 

Through sickness and in health. 

"You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."-GWH

"So, when did you know, like, that she was the one for you?"
me: October 5, 2013

Parade Day. Boston Red Sox.

Go write she said.. and let it all out.... no one has ever told me to go write the way she said it, with such passion and excitement in her voice. Why? I asked... and she said as if she's known me for a lifetime already ... because that is what you love to do, that is how you let it all out. So as she lies in bed, I sit here writing my thoughts, my fears, my hopes, and my needs/wants for life. Life is scary, life is unfair, life is messy, life is truly what happens when you're too busy making other plans or searching on your cell phones... life is hard, life is fun... Why am I so scared she asks over and over.. .and my answer remains the same. I am not good at these things, I don't give myself enough credit, if any at all. Beginnings lead to endings in my mind, and I am not good at endings, I know that for sure. But I also know what I want out of a relationship and I couldn't say that with confidence just a few short years ago, so I guess that is a sign of learning, growing, and maybe even a little self acceptance and self worth happening there too.

I want to be happy. who doesn't. Yeah, I'm 31 and thought I "should" have my life together by now, but clearly I don't. I also know that it's ok that I don't have it all together. I am doing things I never have done before, lifting weights... a lot of weights... jogging/walking 5k's... and I am doing things I haven't done in a long time... smiling more often and meaning it, belly laughing, meeting new people and finding out that I can actually still connect with others and make special friendships, without any reservations.

We come from very different pasts, and sometimes more of something isn't always a good thing. We all have our vices, but we either learn from them and grow as a person, or continue to repeat old patterns. I am ready for the love I think I deserve, I know I deserve, but don't always think I do.

Today was parade day and we woke up before the sun came up. I was sipping on captain and coke before the clock hit 7:30am.... while filling up mr. mustachio (my flask) to head out to Boston with some friends and my most amazing girlfriend... to say it was a fantastic day would be an understatement. It was by far the most laid back relaxed fun I have had on a Saturday in a long time, well worth taking the day off from work. "I don't even like sports, but I'm all for the parties," and I took some killer photos of the duck boats in the water with all the Red Sox players, front operation people, alumni, and radio station peeps. The weather couldn't have been more perfect, especially for November 2nd, and it was as if her and I had been out and about countless times. This is not a honeymoon phase, there was no honeymoon phase. I'm jumping in, this is real, she is real, I want this and so does she, so why do we have to play by the "rules" when we are going along swell by our "rules" and speed. I had not a worry in the world, except when she was scooting around the subway and we couldn't find her, but other than that, not a care in the world, happy as a pig in shit, or a girl with her girlfriend on one arm and her rum in the other.

 

I love spending time with her, I love her the way she looks into my eyes and says nothing but the smile on her face, I love that she reminds me of the relationship I had with my exfiance...the person I was planning on spending my life with, that relationship would have worked if only he wasn't a man, I love how she reminds me of that relationship even though it scares the shit out of me... that's how I know this is real and whatever speed we may be going, we are on the same page, the same speed. I love how she asks me what I am thinking, I love how she calls me beautiful, I love how she looks at me and gets all flustered. I love how she makes me laugh, I love how I don't know whether or not a "girly" giggle or a "masculine" comment is going to come out of her mouth. 

I want this to work more than anything... I am ready for this. I am ready to share my life. I am not the pursuer anymore and damn, does it feel great. My co-workers commented on some pictures we posted tonight from the parade... " OK I 'mm gonna say it -- the look in your eyes and that smile is so nice to see again - this is you genuinely happy -- I want to meet this girl!"  .... "i agree, maybe we have to have a party just for the occasion"

They are absolutely right. She doesn't give me butterflies, and there is no "honeymoon" dating period, and I am more than ok with all of that. Instead, she put the twinkle back in my eyes, and the hope for something better back into my heart. 

I want to struggle in this crazy life with you...I want to cry some more, laugh a ton, fight, argue, make up, hold you, take care of each other, and just live because if I learned anything in my 20s, it was that life is way too short to wait for the perfect moment, for the perfect opportunity or financial security to live. 

I want to struggle in this crazy life with you. Call me crazy, it's only been a little over a month, but we were supposed to meet again someway somehow, almost 13 years later, somewhere other than the University of Maine at Farmington. I've been waiting for someone like you for a long, long time. The perfectly balanced combination of masculine, feminine and everything else....

LIFE BEGINS AT THE END OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

Wow, these lights are bright. I hate public speaking by the way. But tonight I am coming out as confused and coming out of my comfort zone. The people who spoke earlier motivated me to come up here and share my story. Although I don't have any light bulb kind of moment when I knew I was gay. Well I'm not gay, or a lesbian or whatever,... I have never been one for labels...maybe it's my psychology degree in me. But anyways....People have recently asked me "when did you come out?" and "how long have you been gay?" and my answer was "ummm....welll....." yeah so here is my story. Not too sure where to start, either the fourth grade sleepovers I had with my friends and we would make out, apparently I thought that was normal because all growing up I was boyyyyyyy crazy!!!! I admire those who came up to speak tonight, I am turning 31 in ten days and I still don't have my life together. So it's kinda funny that I'm like the last one to speak tonight, because I am the last one to do everything, lose my virginity, get married, figure out my life, cause well I still haven't figured it out, but there is no magical number when you have to have it all figured out. I had my first real girl crushes in college, the safest place to have those feelings. I went to UMaine Farmington, a very gay friendly school. And yeah...one Christmas while standing at the sink doing dishes at the sink with my mom, I was like "I like girls," and she was like "tell me something I don't know." My mom is awesome. But that's not really when it happened for me, I still dated guys after that, I dated and liked girls, I had sex with guys and girls and I was even engaged to a man. Being proposed to was one of the best feelings in the world, feeling so loved and thinking you have it all, but unfortunately it didn't work out. I actually fell for someone who was a woman, and called her out on her being gay because she wasn't out to her family yet or even to herself completely yet, even though she knew inside she was a lesbian. So yeah, breaking off my engagement was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I dealt with some other hard things, like losing loved ones to death in my early twenties. As much as I still miss them so much everyday, those experiences taught me many things, and especially gave me strength to make it through this...breaking off my engagement, and falling in love with a woman. All of these things made me stronger, more sarcastic, as it was my defense mechanism to survive, and more open, and able for me to stand up here in front of you tonight. Maybe this will resonate with some of you, or a friend of yours or whoever. maybe not now, maybe years from now. Because if I have learned anything, it's that life is way too short to be unhappy and angry with yourself, love yourself. No one is going to love yourself more than you, and be comfortable with yourself, because only then can you be comfortable with others. So yeah I guess that's it. Thank you.

and round of applause, and people saying thank you for sharing, and I'm glad I stayed. And after listening to one more speaker, we walked out, signed our "coming out as..." on this white painted door in the Grind, the on campus club where concerts and such are held at Clark University, for national coming out day! As we walked out to sign the door and then leave to our cars, a speaker named Becca, who attends Clark and had just spoken a few people before me, looked at me and said "you rock" as I walked by her. I said "aw, thank you!! you do too!!!" She was married to man and now since divorced at the young age of 24 and identifies herself as gay/lesbian. All of the stories tonight were special in their own way, and it was something I will definitely attend in the future!

When I got to my car tonight, I was soo very proud of myself. I did it!!! And there were still at least 20-30 people in the room to listen to me, to my story! aaaahhhhh. I couldn't help but smile ear to ear and feel so naturally high, hopeful, happy and proud to share tonight. 

Day 24.

Day 24...Goals for next month

get a pedicure

do color run

keep showing up to work on time

have a good birthday

go out with my friends

keep it up at the gym

not in any particular order. 

Day 22.

Day 22...One thing you've never done that most people have

watch an entire football game beginning to end. haha

Day 21.

Day 21... Someone who inspires you.

in·spire  (n-spr)

v. in·spired, in·spir·ing, in·spires

v.tr.

1. To affect, guide, or arouse by divine influence.

2. To fill with enlivening or exalting emotion: hymns that inspire the congregation; an artist who was inspired by Impressionism.

3.

a. To stimulate to action; motivate: a sales force that was inspired by the prospect of a bonus.

b. To affect or touch: The falling leaves inspired her with sadness.

4. To draw forth; elicit or arouse: a teacher who inspired admiration and respect.

5. To be the cause or source of; bring about: an invention that inspired many imitations.

6. To draw in (air) by inhaling.

7. Archaic

a. To breathe on.

b. To breathe life into

Hmmm... someone who inspires me...Can I inspire myself? haha. just kidding... my parents. I feel as though that is a generic answer, but not in all cases I suppose. My parents inspire me to do the best I can, they support me in the decisions I make and have made knowing that I think way too much into things and weigh all my options and etc before making such life decisions. They inspire me to grow, learn and make mistakes on my own but are there for me if things go wrong. They have touched me in ways they will never know, I can only hope I can show them the love and motivation and support they have given me and know that I am forever grateful for everything they have done for me and continue to do. 

My trainer inspires me to show up to the gym, because we all know that showing up is half the battle. Once I'm there, I kick ass. 

My therapist inspires me to make better decisions, mostly because I feel as though I have to confess to her if I haven't made good choices, and sometimes that doesn't make me feel good.

My friends inspire me, motivate me, draw out in me my unconditional love and passion for people, caring for people and helping people. 

Day 20.

Day 20... 5 things you're passionate about

Passionate..capable of, affected by, or expressing intense feeling..

hmm.... I am passionate about a lot of things... family, helping those in need, should be more passionate about working out (I'm getting there), traveling and seeing the world before I die, equality.

I love my family with all of my heart, the good, the bad and the ugly intolerable times as well because as one of my favorite quotes state, "Other things may change us, but we start and end with family." No matter what, in times of need, I have witnessed that families come together, well at least mine has in the past. 

Helping those in need, don't even get me started on all the empty buildings in this god forsaken place, yet there are still thousands of people that are living without a roof over there head. Turn those buildings into shelters, or even better, wheelchair accessible shelters. If I won the lottery, which first I understand I'd have to play the lottery, but anyways... I would turn one of the many empty buildings I see on a daily basis into a shelter and hire workers, an accountant and all that jazz that you need to run one of those places. Priorities people... what ever happened about taking care of one another in our own towns, cities and states, never mind other countries. 

working out... my head is there, just keep swimming... just keep swimming... it will pay off, you will feel better, you are great.

traveling... I want to see the world, Australia, backpack across Europe, drive across country, try new foods, meet new people, see new things.

Equality. how stupid are these people going to look years from now, when gay marriage is just marriage. It goes back to black and white and even before then... people are people. love is love. 

Day 19.

Day 19...What's in your bag

Nothing too exciting at all... I have actually been rocking the little over the shoulder purse lately I got from my mom a few years ago straight from Italy!! a few tampons, license, medical insurance card, triple a card, and credit card, along with some ibuprofen in a bag. haha. 

Day 18.

Day 18...Someone you miss... (which was also day 12)

So I will write this one, not missing a specific person persay rather missing someone I can call mine. Someone I can spend time together with laughing, loving, hugging, kissing, sharing things, arguing, making up...etc. That's what I am missing these days... blah blah blah, they say it happens when you least expect it and all that jazz, I understand that, I have heard it all before. I am going to be 31 soon, been engaged, and broke it off, been in and out of many relationships or so called relationships and also been in relationships which I thought would be life long. I don't want to be alone, I want to share my life with someone I love and who loves me. Sounds cliche, but I don't want to be alone. 

Day 17.

Day 17...Someone who broke your heart

  

She broke my heart, and it will never quite heal the same. It had been cracked and broken here and there before she came along, but she broke it in a different kind of way. Maybe it was the fact that I thought I was more grown up than past relationships and ready to finally be with someone who loved me for me and I loved them for them, and settle down, talk about a family, just be myself, so at ease.... but there was always the underlying not talked about baggage on both ends, my trust issues, and her sneaky ways, partially because she had just come out and accepted herself and who she was, so how can I truly be mad at her for that, I just wish, and I'm sure she wishes too, that it happened differently, and then maybe it wouldn't have hurt so bad, the lies, the betrayal, the sneakiness, the lack of trust, on both of our parts. 

Day 15.

Day 15...Something that excites you and fills you with joy

Honestly... my motivation from myself to kick ass at the gym. I am so very proud of myself for my determination to continue my exercise and better my health and well being by going to the gym. Although the scale seems to be at a stand still, the measuring tape has said otherwise, so losing inches is great with me! I have been feeling more and more comfortable at the gym too, not that I wasn't comfortable before, it's probably one of the places I don't really care what I look like or how I look when I'm lifting weights and whatnot next to fit high school boys and girls...who am I kidding, as I have gotten older I care less and less what I look like and how people may or may not look at me. Anywho...back to the gym... my roommate just asked the gym excites you and fills you with joy? I laughed, and was like yeah actually believe it or not it does. So yeah, I'm going to keep on keeping on... 

Day 14.

Day 14.... Relationship to food.

under construction....

Day 13.

Day 13....Someone you have always wanted to meet.

This is an easy one, hands down, my grandfather, the only grandparent I have not met, my mother's father, Jid, (that's what we would have called him). I love hearing all the stories about him and my Sittoo. Uncle Fran has some pretty funny ones, Auntie Denise can remember a few here and there, hah, and I love looking at the old pictures of all of them before he passed away so suddenly in an accident when my mother was just 16 years old, and his youngest child, my Aunt Chris was only nine years old. 

The best story or statement about him, was that everyone always said, even Sittoo when she was alive, that he would have loved to have met and spoiled all his grandchildren! He loved kids, and if he could have had it his way, Him and Sittoo would have had more than five children! Sittoo had sixteen grandchildren and yet somehow, some magical way, she made each of us in our own way feel as if we were her favorite. It also would have been great to see the two of them together, and my mom's relationship with her dad. 

Someday we shall all meet, meet again...

Day 12.

Day 12....Someone you miss

I miss Sittoo, my grandmother, my mom's mom....every single day. It's been nine years, and it doesn't get easier, you just kinda get used to her not being there, which sucks, for lack of better term. Sucks for many reasons, as the days go by, the sound of her voice gets softer and softer in the distance. Not only do I miss her, but most days, most holidays/family gatherings, I miss her presence. You never really do see how one person impacts a whole, until they are gone. How our family functioned with her around, and how we all got along, even if it was just to please her, we did it, and well now...more times than not, our family just seems a little more separated to me. 

I also am missing my brothers, my siblings, people who share, or are supposed to share a special bond in your life. currently they are not sharing in any of that, and it makes me sad and helpless. To sit back and watch the ones we love just not care anymore, not help themselves, wasting their lives away, or maybe not, but not including those who love them more than they could ever know. I miss the good ol' days all too often here and there. The days of stupid bickering with my brothers, but then them coming over and hanging out, eating dinner over, watching tv, visiting with me and Russell. The good ol' days when I'd ask Nick if my hair was curly in the back, he'd get mad at me for chewing loud, and then we would be laughing over some silly hallmark saying Dad would mumble at the kitchen table. And I know I'm not the only one who misses that and them. 

Day 11.

Day 11....Something unusual

On the way to work today, and once I got to work, I didn't hear on the radio or in school to do a moment of silence for 9/11. I was both kind of saddened by this, but at the same time it was kind of nice to carry on the day as a "normal" wednesday September 11th kind of day. I am not being insensitive at all, not a year goes by that I don't remember those who lose their lives, loved ones, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters.... 

Rest peacefully. 

Day 10.

Day 10...the weather...

Heat wave is a coming!!! Supposed to be in the 90s tomorrow, on September 11th, 2013. I actually heard that there is a heat advisory tomorrow. Craziness all around. The weather. The heat...maybe a sick and twisted reminder of the horrendous acts of hatred that took place tomorrow, 12 long but such short years ago, especially to all those it affected (for lack of better word) directly. 

Day 9.

Day 9...Your favorite thing to do right now

Like right now? right this very instance? It would be looking on pinterest for school craft ideas for the new school year for our kiddos, and ecards, of course ecards. They make me laugh when sometimes I just want to cry after really long days. 

My favorite thing to do lately? My favorite thing to do lately is talk to my mom, go to the gym and cuddle with Russell. I may not always feel like going to the gym, but as soon as I walk through the door, people recognize me, they say hello, I feel as though I belong, and I love that. I am so strong, so much stronger emotionally and physically, and do my best each time. And even on the days when I feel as though it wasn't my best, hey I still made it to the gym, which is better than not making it there, right? right! 

Morning cuddle time with Russell....even though he sleeps with me every night and all night long, when he pokes his head up from underneath the covers, he stretches, yawns...sometimes with or without noise, and then wags his little tail forcefully as his face is right up in my face looking for some loving. It's a great feeling, to be loved, even if the only place it's coming from in the morning is my furry white poochy woochy!! haha. 

My mom. I spent all last week at my parents house, not only because they both needed me, my dad still recovering from his hip replacement and my mom from her second degree burns she got at work, but also because I needed them a little more than usual. I was craving some mommy and daddy time. It was good for the three of us. It was nice. no fights, just laughs, silly arguments, food and a little extra tender love and care. 

Day 8

Day 8....Five things from your bucket list

1. Go on a vacation to Lebanon

2. Go to Australia

3. Rent or own an RV and drive cross country with someone I love and take as many photographs and memories with me along the way.

4. Be a mom

5. Find my soul mate

Day 7

Day 7....Siblings

I wish this wasn't such a tough one right now, but it is and has been for awhile now. Without getting too personal here and/or too upset. I will describe this one in a few short words.

Worried about them, love them more than they realize, can't help them because they need to help themselves, sad they won't text me back.

losing them. scared for them. worried for them. wish I could help them.

Day 6

Day 6....Someone who does not live in my country

This makes me giggle a little bit, but only because I knew exactly who I wanted to write about....she's actually come up in a couple different conversations/facebook responses lately...my pen pal from 7th grade, Melanie. She lives or did live at the time in Australia.

I had signed up for a pen pal in french class with Mrs. Kapas and got one then just like the rest of the class; however, a few weeks later or so I received a letter from this girl my age, maybe a little younger, baby blue eyes and bright natural blonde hair color, Melanie from Australia. Huh I thought, "maybe my name is out there on some kind of pen pal list." That was cool with me, since I actually kept in touch much longer with Melanie than the one I was assigned to in my french class.

Many many letters sent back and forth from the U.S to Australia, the beginning of my love for wanting to visit the country/continent, which I have not yet, but still would love to go some day!! We sent pictures, stamps, and even had discussed about sending videos but figured out that it may not be compatible to watch each others, so we tried to set up some time to talk on the phone and if memory serves me correctly, I don't believe that ever happened either, because it was a twelve hour time difference. For some reason though I think it may have happened once, but maybe only because I had wanted it to am I thinking that it had actually happened.

Anyways, one day letters just stopped. It's all good. It was fun while it lasted, and a pretty cool childhood experience. 

Day 5

Day 5...3 Things you like about your personality

hmmm..... so as years go by, I guess there are more things I like about myself, yet why is it so difficult to admit these things without any doubt or hesitation...why, because we are our own worse enemies most of the time! silliness. If we don't love ourselves, no one else is going to either, why would they want to.

Currently three things I like about my personality... 

I used to not really like the fact that I was such an "open book" everyone saying they knew what I was thinking, how I was feeling...etc. but as the  years have passed, and I have been in different relationships along the way and such friendships too, I have to say that being an "open book" is not such a bad thing. First comes to mind, is that I can't hide how I'm feeling or can't lie rather about the way I am feeling or maybe what I am thinking of a certain person or thing, and what's so bad about being a terrible liar? I'm totally ok with the fact that I am bad at lying. Not only does that hurt others, but it's just more work, because then you have to remember all of the lies and/or keep them straight with the actual facts etc.. so yeah, I am terrible at lying and quite frankly really good at showing emotions. Besides what is the point of living in this crazy world if you can't express freely how you feel, who you love, and so on and so forth. I remember classmates during middle school and whatnot always telling me I tell too much to people, and I shouldn't say this or I should say that, well for one, those people are not in my life anymore, and secondly, this is me, this is who I am. I am a terrible liar, and I apparently have a hard time closing my book sometimes, so take it or leave it. Like I said just recently to a pretty great person, this is me on date 2 or date 32, why pretend to be someone I am not. Those who will want to read my book, will continue to do so and those who do not, well they have had no problem closing it all by themselves. 

With all that emotion stuff just said, and as much as I joke around or whatnot about not really liking people, again terrible liar, I know, but I didn't say I don't try to lie sometimes, ha.... I am a very loving person. I will do most anything for those dear to my heart. Some play hard, I love hard. I get it from my mom, and I am more than ok with that, even if it comes with it's disappointments: those of which I have learned better coping skills to deal with along the way. I love hard. I just haven't found that person deserving of all my love I have to give, so in the mean time I will continue loving myself a little more each day, because some days that is a hard enough task to accomplish. 

Hmm... one more thing I currently like about my personality...those of you reading this may have already guessed this one and if so, that's great! I like my ability to laugh, to turn anything into something perverted, my sarcasm. My sarcasm has been a defense mechanism, coping skill, denial (at times) or call it whatever else, but my sarcasm, my laughter, my not so classy moments... those are the fun moments, the times that remind me I am alive, I am still living, I am surviving all the pain, loss and hurt I have experienced in my life, I am laughing and having fun. I am fun. and I am great. I am a great person. and for the first time in a really really long time, I said that aloud the other day and it felt pretty great. 

Day 4

Day 4...25 Things to do before your next Birthday!

Shit... I better get going since my birthday is in about a month and half away! :)

In no particular order...

1. Do a color splash run

2. lose a few inches/lbs

3. clean out my car

4. walk Russell more

5. Continue to arrive on time to work

6. Get a hold of my youngest brother

7. paint my nails

8. get a pedicure
9. put my pictures in my photo album
10. make my Italy fav photos on snappish
11. get my hair trimmed
12. put a strip of pink in my hair for breast cancer awareness month (october)
13. skype with Alyssa
14. take a day trip to boston
15. do a friday night with my girls
16. "book club" with work peeps
17. organize bills online
18. buy some new pants for the fall
19. visit Michelle
20. visit with Kristie
21. pay back erika for Hayley's wedding gift
22. update Russell's scrapbook
23. put together the frame of Sittoo stuff for mom
24. mail Michelle's engagement gift I bought her awhile ago
25. go to provincetown with the girls 

Day 3.

Day 3.... Your day in detail

So I started my day waking up in my parents new guest room bed they just bought.. I stayed at my parents house, because well they are both on drugs. haha, for real, it sucks, but they are both in pain, hip surgery and 2nd degree burns. craziness. I need my mommy as much as she needs me around right now. But anyways...The bed was comfy but not worn in yet I guess, so a little too firm, but anywho. Took russ out, and headed to work and on time yet again!! I'm trying a new thing or things...being on time this year and being chipper!! The school secretary said she may like it some days and may not some days, I said don't worry, me too. ahaha My morning was actually pretty great until about 10:30/11 when my kiddo decided to not want to work anymore, however, I would take this morning's behavior over his aggression and screaming, he was just rather tired and non responsive. it's all good. but before that, he was rocking it! we were matching and going to town with expressively id'ing colors, without any prompts!! I was so proud of him. We both needed a pick me up as it is only the 2nd week of school... so lunch was a good break out of the room for me, and then back to assist in feeding my kiddo lunch, which he would have inhaled in very few bites if left unattended, but breakfast for lunch, who doesn't like that every now and again. Actually, I didn't like it at all during my school days. So yeah...off to my afternoon kiddo, ms. smarty stubborn pants with numerous behaviors, ya know all the good ones: spitting, licking, pinching, hitting, etc...but she's a tiny thing so it's not so bad, yet anyways. Recess on the swing which she loves, a few fake cries when she would rather have played instead of doing the puzzles and telling me the colors of the picture cards, but miss cosky stood her ground, sorry kiddo! We need to squash her behaviors, potty train and she's good to go. The highlight of my afternoon, she said "poop" and we rushed to the bathroom, and sure enough she went!! She's great!!! The not so highlight, fire drill fun times. As I carried her up the stairs to get her moving out of the building...sweating my ass off waiting in line with the rest of the kids. Snack time, some more work, fake crying and just ignoring me to end the school day. After school/work, it was time to stop by my parents house, to check up on the patients, take russell out and head to job number 2 of the day, respite dinner and errands. French Onion soup and a chicken fiesta salad with dressing on the side, of which I took half for lunch tomorrow. yum. Off to Target to find some headphones for him and I picked up a few tanks that were in clearance and a 4 pack of playdough for the kiddos to replenish our playdough supply. Then it was off to my house to get some more things in order to stay at my parents house until thursday night. these two crazy kids need me, if anything else to be a buffer between them. ha. almost 35 loving years of marriage :) phone call to check if they were still alive while I was on my way to the gym at 8:30. craziness I know, but damn it felt great. I did a pyramid of four different stations, two arm exercises, squats while holding weights, and crunches, a shit ton of crunches. and when I got to number 5 rep of each them, I did a few minute sprint on the treadmill, and then back to finish my pyramid and talk it up with Dave who was working out a little while cleaning up and whatnot at the end of his shift, which was in about a half hour, since I left the gym around 9:30. Back to my parents house to see my baby puppy, and play nurse to mom, changing her guaze pads, taking her temp and getting her tylenol. Messed around with boardmaker a little bit for work, and now here I am. sweet sweet dreams are ahead of me I hope... as I am determined to wake up and head to the gym in the morning for cardio. 

Day 2.

Day 2... something you look forward to in the next 12 months

Hmm.... 12 months is a long time, but I have also been waiting a long enough time. A long enough time to be happy. Yeah sure I have been plenty of happy a long the way, but I am talking real happy. If that makes any sense. And I'm not saying finding my soul mate or whatever you want to call it will make me real happy, but yes it kinda will right. 

I am not supposed to be by myself. I have so much love to give and share with someone. I want to be a mom someday, have my own family, share love, happiness, ups and downs with someone who loves and respects me as much as I do them. But enough with that blah blah blah... that's the real Lianne answer, but now for the real I secretly dislike people answer... I can't wait for my best friend Michelle's wedding!! Not only is it the first wedding I will ever be in, but maid of honor!! 

It truly will be such an honor to stand by someone who I have known and loved for the past 13 years on her special day. As she knows from previous conversations we have had, I am not sure how I feel about weddings these days after having cancelled and broken off my own engagement almost 5 years ago now, but that aside, I am also looking forward to my special day, not necessarily my wedding day, but the day I know I have found that person, my person. 

Day 1.

So I decided I need to write more, and needed a little push... so here it is...the 30 day writing challenge I found via pinterest!

Day 1: Basic things about yourself...

basic...simple...things about myself... hmmm. well if you know me and how I tell stories and such, simple is sometimes difficult to do, so here goes nothing. I am almost 31 years old and I still love to play in the sand at the beach. Probably the only place I don't mind getting dirty, my hands that is, although I have been a little more flexible with that since my line of work is working with young children and even the most basic of tasks can be quite dirty at times. I am still so in love with my puppy Russell who I have had for almost 8 years now! I love love love laughing with people who I love and care a lot for. I enjoy scrapbooking, taking pictures of everything and anything, rocking out to good tunes, impromptu pool parties or get togethers with friends, road trips, and Maine. I am obsessed with Maine, the beach, and the ocean. 

I want to be loved and respected, I want to be told the truth to, held, and loved loved loved. I want to be a mother some day. I have a secret obsession with wanting to be pregnant, and if all went well with delivering my first child, I would want to look into being a surrogate for those in need. I have always wanted to have one child of my own, and also adopt a child, but from the U.S. because our own country has enough children who need loving homes too.

I am creative, motivated, loving, sarcastic...As much as I say I dislike people, I would put own needs second to those I love or those in need or more love. I sometimes think I don't deserve to be happy, but this past year, this past year of being 30 has brought to light many things I actually do love about myself, and want to work on, and have changed in order to add to my own happiness and quality of life. 

different first loves.

first loves. I've had many "first" loves. they were all different in their own way.

 but you, you are my most favorite first love. from forever and forever ago. and it breaks my heart that we don't talk anymore. you're married now, have a child, and a life of your own. but even though we don't talk anymore, I mean we do talk, just not as much as we used to, and we haven't seen each other in years, because although you want nothing but the best for me, and for me to be happy, you turned on me just like the others when I started dating her. so that put some time between us. That aside, you are my most favorite first love. you were and still are my childhood. you are in all the years that I sometimes can't remember the exact details to,  from the past, but you..you represent my childhood, and I don't ever want to forget the details that surround you. No one will ever truly understand what you and I had, I'm not sure we will even ever understand, but now, maybe now we understand what we had the best, because no matter what, no matter how much time passes, no matter how little words are exchanged, you still know and I know that we would do anything for each other. you were the one who changed me forever, in more ways than we both could imagine. remember that time I drove you to work and we said if we weren't married by such and such time then I guess we'll get married. but then you had to go and get married. That's the thing with us, our timing never never ever ever ever matched up....all those years...all our  years together. We had the best and worst relationship non-dating relationship I have ever had with anyone else. I played many roles in your life as you did in mine,  but would I change it, do I regret it, would I relive it all over....in a heart beat! I was just talking to a friend of mine the other night...about love and relationships and whatnot...we all have that one person, that one person that we may compare others to, we may long for over and over, or that one person we would do anything for because they have touched our hearts and lives in such a way no one else has nor ever could, and you, you are that one person for me.

Then there's you...you were the one I thought I was going to marry. you were the taboo person of my dreams. the chocolate to my vanilla. haahaha. the forbidden one...but somehow you were in to me, and I of course was in to you too. maybe a little too much, since you were still so much in contact with your ex as I found out down the road. but not only that, but maybe too because of the way you treated me sometimes, I thought you were joking, but looking back on it, I'm not so sure. and as I surely know now, peoples words can be a lot more hurtful and impacting on one's life than any physical harm. So thanks for making me so self friggin conscience at times, when deep down I know I am a good person, no matter how my butt shakes when I walk, or the size clothes I may or may not wear... and you just took it too far sometimes. However, man did I love you. I loved the thought of you for sure. I can't exactly pinpoint what it was...but man did I love you so too much. you were the one I dreamt of marrying and starting a family with. You swept me off my feet for a little while there, but I was naive. My better judgement was clouded by the longing to be with someone, to be with you, you cared for me, you showed me love most of the time, and you gave me that glimpse of what it would be like to live with someone you love, to start a life together.

And you...you came out of no where. you came into my life when I was surely least expecting to find anything. I moved to Maine after having lived back around home after graduation from UMF, but it had been three years or so and I needed a change...a change of scenery or something. So I answered a girl's craigslist ad in search of a roommate, went up with my dog Russell to meet her and shortly after packed up the lake cottage I was living in, and moved up to Westbrook Maine. You...you came out of no where. after searching for a job, and at my orientation, I waited for  you in the parking lot, after having talked to you in the second half of our orientation. I'm not sure what it was about you, your smile, the way you carried yourself, or the fact that I found maybe the only black person in Maine, ok you are only half black, but it's still a rare find in Maine. ha. Less than two weeks of living in Maine, searching for some change in scenery or whatnot, you found me, sitting in the job orientation. We hung out instantly and found we had much more in common than we both thought. one thing led to the next, and we moved back to mass where we were both from, starting a life together. And finally at age 25, you showed me what it was like to really be loved, adored and admired, and no words can ever thank you for those feelings you gave me. But more so, thank you for the feeling and moments every little girl grows up wishing to feel and experience. The proposal on the beach, the scavenger hunt and every little detail you put into it was absolutely perfect. perfect. I am only sorry that our timing was not. My feelings for you were more than real, they were scary real. I wanted a family, a wedding, a marriage, everything with you more than ever, but something just wasn't right. and since years have passed and we have started talking, you and I both know that it was probably the best thing for the both of us in the long run. I am happy, more than happy, we are able to talk as friends and still be in each other's life even if we haven't seen each other since the parking lot of the storage place my dad and I followed you to with the rest of your things, I'll remember that day just as clearly as the proposal and all the other great times we had. The final kisses I gave you even though we fought like wild animals just days before. you will always be my one of my favorite first loves. You gave me more than any girl could ask for, it was just not our time. and it truly takes a man to let someone go, someone go see about her life and figure her life and feelings out. we know that now, after time healed, and pain went away, and I will always admire your strength. You always will hold a special place in my heart, and know that I will always think of you on that day, our day. 

Lastly, there is you...you messed up my heart in more ways than I thought possible. you lied over and over to my face, we were inseparable for 2 and a half years, and you know I would have done anything for you. You hurt me more than I thought I could ever be hurt again, but it wasn't all your fault. It was mine for letting it go on, for letting what I thought was this great relationship continue, even though I had known the truth all along. I just couldn't let you go. I fought for you 'til the end, and maybe that's what pushed you away, away towards her, but whatever it was, I surely miss the way things were when they were good, or when I thought they were good. You brought out a side of me, something that had to be set free in me, in my adult life thus far, my feelings for you, putting my heart on the line for you, for us, putting my life on the line, putting all of me out there, telling you how I felt. breaking your walls down. and if anything, if there is nothing I am more proud of, of our relationship and time spent together, it is that I helped you in ways no one else could, helped you come out, helped you free yourself of years and years, and I will always remember part of that email you wrote to me saying thank you for that, and for loving me. Because despite of all that happened between us, the bad and the ugly, I will never forget how loved you made me feel, how loved I felt with you, and how I have never been one for public displays of affection, but with you it was different. For once, I didn't care who was looking our way, I wanted you, all of you, no matter where we were. So I thank you for that, for those feelings and times of sincere love and support you gave me, you helped me to start taking care of me, of myself, and I have continued to do so. Being with you, loving you out loud, and in front of the world, made me realize things about my childhood, my past and my present that I had been hiding or just brushing aside. Part of you, part of me being with you, made me whole. My past and present seemed to make sense, everything seemed a little more clearer, in my actions from childhood sleepovers, my college friends thinking I was gay, and all the other feelings and things I had going on.

This is me, and I have to take me or leave me. I love myself a whole lot more, I accept myself a whole lot more. It's because of all my first loves. Life is funny sometimes, and it doesn't always work out the way we planned, nothing planned ever works, but I am more accepting of that now. I am more tolerable of that now. Sure, my heart is a little less full or put together, because it has broken in so many different ways from each of you above, but as tender as it is, it is tough. Because what else is there besides love. We all want it even though most of us may be in denial, we all think about it for sure, we all long for someone to call our own, someone to make the nights seem a little less lonely and the laughs and good times a little more funny and memorable. So someday, when I am not looking for it, again, I will find it. That I am sure of. As for the man or woman of my dreams, that's up to a higher being than myself.

the end of our ITALY trip

Ahh, it's been almost two weeks that we returned from such an amazing once in a life time kind of trip to Italy!! here is the conclusion of the last few days we spent in Italy...

where did I leave off....ah ha, day 6...April 15th, we went walking around Rome again, just a few piazza's (plazas) that we did not walk through on the first day with Auntie Chris...and took our time strolling around, doing a little shopping, people watching, and gelato eating. We got back around 7 or so, just in time to have a little chicken and salad before my Aunt dropped us off at the Lazio vs. Juventus futbol (soccer) game!!! What an experience that was!!! AMAZING!!!! and to think it was only a regular scheduled game, with the fireworks, flags, chants, and songs...sooo fun!!!!! and great seats for just 20 euros, which would be like 25 dollars or so in american money!!

It was a great time. My brother Nick was like a little kid in a candy store!!! And even though the Lazio (another Rome team besides Roma) team lost 2-0, the fans were still cheering until the end, and the soccer players clapped for their fans in appreciation at the end of the game as well. Nick said they do that in Europe, which was so nice to see!! Great times!! Then Auntie picked us up, and told us the sad news about the Boston Marathon bombings...so we watched that on CNN via computer when we got back. What a terrible week back at home.

Tuesday morning, the 16th, we were up early out and about to the train station. Uncle David dropped us off on his way to work, we bought our tickets and off we were on the fast train to Venice, which was still a three hour ride, but I slept some and just took in all the views of the amazing countryside in Italy!! We arrived, took a water taxi and found our hotel, Hotel Noemi, great deal and location for just a one night stay, then found a sandwich spot, I grabbed a panini and a corona!!! We were off to walk the streets of Venice!! I absolutely LOVED LOVED LOVED Venice. I don't know how long I could live on the water, but it would definitely be an experience. Water right up to the buildings, no cars, just boats, water taxis, bridges up and over the water, crossing the streets!!! water streets!!! Great little shops, good finds for gifts!! and we really lucked out for the weather!! It was very warm and sunny with a cool breeze. For dinner we ate outdoors on the Grand Canal near the Rialto bridge, had some spaghetti with shrimp, but the shrimp was in the hard shells I had to fork out before eating it, but it was delicious anyways of course!

 

The next morning, we were off to Florence via fast train...only about an hour and a half ride. The scenery was just amazing.. it never got old!! We got to Florence and again, our hotel accommodations were perfect, they were soo very nice at the Bellevue House Hotel, and for the right price too!! We were off for lunch at a place around the corner from there, I had this salmon alfredo pasta, fishy but soo very tasty, with the house red wine! Yum. Then we were off on another train ride to the town of Lucca, where we did some sight seeing and shopping, ran into people from Shrewsbury, MA, and store owners who knew Kittery Maine and Arizona...etc. such a small world.

 

Lucca was beautiful...

 the people from Shrewsbury...

 a little Nonna riding around town.

Took a late train about 8 or so, back to Florence, where we walked to streets aimlessly looking for this restaurant that they had told us about at our hotel... well after walking this way and that way and this way again, and even asking people on the street, did I mention I had to pee since before we left Lucca, but the bathroom was closed at the station, what the hell... after we were all angry hungry and aggravated, my feet hurt and I had to pee, I stormed off back to the hotel by myself!!! The three of them ended up just eating dinner back at the place we had lunch. I walked the streets of Florence back to the hotel, but before walking up four flights of stairs, I just bought a corona at the mini mart across the street, while I waited for the Quattro formagio pizza I ordered at the restaurant across from our hotel. Took them up to the hotel room, put on the BBC news channel and ate in peace. Waited for my mom to come back so I could let her in and then went to bed!! The next day, Thursday... we spent walking around Florence....

 my dinner in Florence...

sweet smells in the bakeries...

 

                                            
 flowers blooming.

 the view of Florence...

 Ponte Vecchio bridge

 silly Stanley... wanted to buy this apron for himself, but it was too big.

 We ate lunch here Thursday... yum!! I had seafood risotto...every kind of seafood one could imagine!!! including OCTOPUS!!

 the man!!! he sold my mom and kimmy leather coats for a really really good deal!! he was awesome!

 leather market in San Lorenzo square... leather leather leather...in Florence!

 rub the snout for good luck!!

 David, not the original, but it'll do.

 Train ride home from Florence to Rome....
We got back from Florence around 8 or so, not really sure, but just in time for dinner. Auntie Chris and Uncle David picked us up from the train station and we went out for pizza,  because that's what you do, eat out if you are going to eat out at a restaurant, they hardly do take out!! It was a great place, we were exhausted from the past few days, nice to drink some more white wine and eat some broccoli and sausage pizza and share pasta carbanara with mom. A great last night meal in Italy. Back to the house to pack up for home sweet home Friday morning. Packed and weighed our suitcases, said our goodbyes to Uncle David and Rachel. Auntie drove us in the morning, and we were off to catch our flight to Philly, which was delayed a little bit, but luckily this time we had about two hours or so for any delays etc..which didn't matter anyways, because once landing in Philly, our plane was delayed an hour or so...but luckily the ban was lifted in Boston and all was good, or atleast getting better in Boston, having had found the second bombing suspect from the marathon bombings. what a week... but it was still nice to be home. What a trip of a lifetime. Every bit and piece of it was absolutely breathtaking and amazing!! makes you appreciate the little things, the things we take for granted and all that jazz... I miss it so much. It made me wish I had the opportunity to study abroad in college, something I had always wanted to do, but the September 11th tragedy kinda put a stop to that my sophomore year... so this was a great opportunity!!