Time. That I have
plenty of... It's summer, and I'm working mon-thursday at the school summer program. End of day two and I
may just
pull my hair out.....but that's besides the point. It doesn't add to the fact that when I come home I'm alone as well. I
remember the days I
longed for summer, don't get me wrong, I love swimming and sunbathing, could sleep in the sun (just as long as someone is around to flip me over and cook the other side of me), but it's just not the
same. I guess that goes without saying, like when you're a kid, things just seemed better...well most things. That's not all true now, looking back on childhood, as there are many things I would love to have back the way they were, there are many I could do without, including my
lack of self confidence and whatnot...
I'm getting there, to a place where Lianne is happy, even more happy than before, and I like it, most days...I like it, the process. Other days, well I have
all this time to just think, and that's a
deadly thing for me, like I need more time to analyze, criticize and badger myself...because of course that's what I do with my time, where most of my negativity still stems from. Lately, I haven't been using my time wisely, or have I?
Is this my body telling me to just relax for a few, so why feel so guilty about it?! I haven't slept a good night sleep since I was with
you on Sunday night, but surprisingly I haven't felt more tired throughout the day. weird. Maybe tonight I will get some sleep as today, only day 2 of summer school, well today was a longer day than yesterday to put it nicely. Not his worse, not his best, hoping it's not a repeat of last summer.
It just makes me so sad. I need to get sleep. I need to get my ass to the gym in the morning and start feeling better...routine.
We all need routine, and well I guess I'm just missing part of my routine, so I'm having a little trouble finding my way these past few days...
finding the most perfect quotes to help me through....
"You don’t just love me on my good days. On my pretty days, when I have makeup on and my hair looks decent. When I’m cheerful and witty and affectionate and feeling well. You love me when no one else possibly could. You love me when I’m pale and hollow, when I haven’t laughed for days and I’ve worn the same pajamas for a week. When I curl up in my little corner of the bed and try not to think about life. When I’m irritable and ugly and bitchy and I yell at you for stupid things. When my hair is greasy and I have bags under my eyes. Those are the times when with great patience and care, you brush my hair behind my ear, kiss my forehead, and tell me,’You’re beautiful and I love you.’ That’s how I know … that’s love."
and kind words, sharing quotes from friends...
