12.23.2013

Missy Monday's

Happy Happy Monday.... a few happy's since I didn't have work today! That's one good thing about the holidays and working in an elementary school, VACATIONS! 

So, with that said, it has continued to be a crazy week with more things on the calendar than I would like, but when Saturday rolled around, after working my respite job, it marked the start of my eleven days in a row off from work!! And that made Missy very happy. 

"I want to contribute to this relationship," I told Missy as we were sitting at my mom's kitchen table with her for a bit earlier this evening. My mom's reaction, "wow, that's a change huh." As it sure is a change from my past relationships; however, I am not the type of person to just sit back and have everything done for me, as I tried once again to do the laundry to her liking. Never again. The laundry is all hers, as she reminded me ever so nicely. Also stating that I do contribute things to this relationship. As I know I do, but it is an adjustment for me. I have never been in a relationship where someone has been so beyond excited to see me come home from the end of a work day, or thrilled that she will have the next eleven days with me, never mind want to do the laundry and shopping for the house. So, we tend to both be stubborn sometimes in finding our ways in this new blossoming relationship and heads are bumped and bruised, but with no hard feelings or bad intentions. We are both very caring and loving people who want to give give give and are far too humble when receiving care or gifts or any other kind gestures. 

More tears, laughs and silly looks and faces have been exchanged this week. Another week closer to each other's hearts, minds and bodies. She was made for me. 

12.22.2013

let it out.

not sure how to start this one, so I am just writing. Because if I know anything it is that writing sometimes heals. Don't get me wrong, these past two months have been amazing, but with amazing, with the good comes the bad right? Talk about emotional? I have been over the top I feel like. It has to be this time of year and all the holiday hooplas, forced family fun, and being so close to Christmas vacation, a work vacation longer than a three day weekend, but still so far away these past few weeks. Meeting you again back in October was the best thing ever, and what we have blossomed into in these crazy two months, even better... yet we are still getting to know each other, live with each other's quirks and all that jazz, amidst the hustle and bustle of holiday parties, work parties, get togethers and family. 

I wouldn't suggest to anyone meeting someone around this time, yet again, meeting the one, the one you want to spend forever with because you know in your heart people just don't reappear into one another's lives over ten years or so. So I guess what I am really suggesting is that you not look for love, love just finds you. 

It finds you at your best, or your worst, when the season is hectic or you're home all the time by yourself doing nothing. You can't control it. It just happens. Just like we can not control the ones we love and care about so much that sometimes it's unhealthy and consumes your life more than it should. 

My brother has been depressed for years, to say the least, and even though all of what is going on in his life or not going on, he always texts me back. The other morning he did not. And the words he has said to my mother haunt me in my sleep, why would he say that, why would he voice such hurt and pain. Yet, Missy thinks it's a good thing, he is letting it out, and not keeping it in. 

Well, poor her, because I have been doing a lot of letting out. It's like I don't know how to be in a healthy loving relationship. I don't know how to talk, communicate without being defensive or snapping. I am trying too hard to make sure things go right, forgetting to breathe, not knowing how sometimes, and go go going because if I stop or slow down, I will burst at the seams with all my family's pain I am holding in. I hurt when they hurt, I want to fix them, but know I can't. 

So I need to continue to heal and fix myself. for me, for us, for this relationship. for the rest of my life. I need to breathe, slow down, let it all out, and keep going. You don't realize how hard it is to talk sometimes, especially when I am so good at talking and writing and meeting people. But going back to that quote we always hurt the ones we love most, why??? Just another thing that doesn't make sense to me. I don't want to hurt or hurt you. I may be a little rough around the edges, and need a little extra help in learning how to communicate better after years of not doing so much of that, walking on eggshells with loved ones, so instead we don't speak, we don't communicate through our words of love as we should be doing. Because people need to heal themselves, want to heal and help themselves. And us, their family, their loved ones... well we have to sit back, pray for them, worry for them, but most importantly just love them and be there for them if and when they do reach out. 

So thank you for holding me, catching me, helping me these past two months. The past two months are not my usual life, and if we make it to January 1, 2014, I'd say we are doing well. 


12.16.2013

Missy Monday's

I want to write more, and why not write about the love I am going to marry next year!! Missy Monday's!! Doesn't it have a cute little ring to it? no pun intended.

Life is so unbelievably random sometimes, but no matter what has happened in my life, everything has a reason for happening the way things do. As frustrating as that may be, on the flip side, it can be absolutely breathtaking. That moment when you realize you have found your reason. Sorry if I may be repeating myself to some of my viewers, but love makes you do crazy things, as I have said before many times; however, this is a different kind of crazy. As if Lianne could get more crazy. I am so head over heels in love with her, it's so crazy.

Her hand fits in mine, her body molds to mine, her lips were made for mine. I knew that very cold sunset moment on the beach in Maine, my favorite spot I visit annually, that this my friends was the start of something worthy, something worthy of my time, love, and devotion. Although, I, like many of you, did not expect it to happen as quickly as it has. But why not. If I have learned anything my adult life, is time does not wait for anyone, life continues moving no matter what you do or don't do, so may as well do the things your heart tells you to do, why wait for the tomorrow you may not have.

You had me at "I will do the laundry from now on....," no but really, you will? Wow, that is amazing. It truly is the little things, the day to day tasks, the tedious stuff no one really wants to do, but that is life and those things must be done, but for once in my adult life, I am not the only one doing them. 

I have found my own little house wife, but that is just one of the many reasons I love her, don't worry. I love the way she loves me, the way she looks at me, the way she thinks I am beautiful when I'm sitting next to her at church cold as hell and my hair soaking wet because we had to shovel and shower quickly before sliding down the snowy road to get there. The way she thinks I'm beautiful and lovely when she is laughing at me because I have to plan every little thing, and then I get mad because I try to convince her and/or myself that I don't have to plan every little thing, sometimes I just like saying stuff out loud, it's my OCD or whatever. haha. And she still thinks I am beautiful, but not just on the outside, the inside too.

These are just some of the many reasons why I know deep in my heart, we were supposed to meet again 10+ years later...

'Til next manic missy monday... hahaha


12.14.2013

"Love is in the air"

Life is so funny sometimes, I have been saying that for years now. I am also a true believer that everything does happen for a reason, despite not knowing the reasons at those moments or even ever. I have found my reason. She is my reason. She is the reason I kept living, hoping, and looking, without looking, for love, for someone to share my interests, dreams, hopes and life. 

I knew it the moment I hugged her on October 13, 2013 when we "met" for the first time after ten plus years or so ago being and living on the same college campus in Farmington Maine. She thought I was attractive then, and just not into girls...so as much surprise to her finding me on match.com and looking for love with girls, she was beside herself. To make a long story short, we've been talking ever since that Saturday night in October, through face book, texts and soon to be the phone, all day everyday. 

Love is surely in the air! Everything was moving so fast, yet so comfortably "fast." We were honestly taking things day to day, and one thing after another. I asked her to be my girlfriend, she moved from Maine to be with me a few weeks later, received her new Massachusetts state license in the mail, we talked about children and marriage, we went ring shopping, ER visits (she bought the ring the next day and much to her excitement, was frazzled and fell over a store sign...), asked my dad for his permission, kept it from my mom for three very, very long weeks, booked a wedding venue, now just the wait for her to ask me. Well....December12, 2013, Love was certainly in the air. 

Missy is very much a romantic, she is a lot like me in that way, even surprising me more and more each day with how she is, it's just who she is, and I am more than ok with that! Waking up to cards and laundry folded and whatnot is not unusual living with her, but little did I know that Thursday morning, December 12th, I was in for a surprise of a lifetime, despite the fact I knew we had a ring and a date and a wedding venue. I left for work at my usual time, where I found card #1 in my car waiting for me. So sweet. At the elementary school where I work, I had something in the office waiting for me. AAAHHHH I hate surprises, but secretly like them. Five beautiful pink roses waiting for me with card #2, talking about children and our future and how beautiful I am, that she hopes our children look just like me one day. Card #3 was waiting for me in my car as well after I decided to change up her plans a little bit and make her nervous because I hadn't gone to my mom's house before the gym like I had every other thursday! Card #3 with 3 white frames of our pictures and the box of matches I had gotten her on our first date. Later to find out, Missy thought card #3 was going to give it away that today was the day, but not the case. I made her more nervous by driving to the gym and talking to her on the phone about not even wanting to go to the gym, and people driving like crazies so I quickly rushed off the phone with her and went to the gym. Card #4 was in my car waiting for me after the gym, I saw it sitting there on the seat around 6:06 when I left the gym, and I was looking around the parking lot in amazement as if she was going to pop out of a tree or something. No worries, that didn't happen. Card #4 had me in tears, and when I opened up the last trifold it stated something like this, "now open the trunk there is a bag of clothes and everything in there, go back into the gym, take a shower and get ready, kind of hurry though because we have dinner plans at 7, and call me after you are ready to go and I will tell you where to meet me, I love you Lianne, and sorry I couldn't be there to blindfold you." AHHHHHHHH, I ran into the gym, shower, so frazzled and shaking, holding back the tears and excitement as best I could so people didn't think I was some crazy person smiling and crying to myself. hahaha. I was out of there by 6:30, in the car and on my way to the Boynton Restaurant. 

I called Erika and Michelle on the way there because after card #4, I knew this was it, this was really going to happen, and neither of them answered their phones!!!! Sarah answered hers, and I screamed a few times, and then had to get off the phone so I could semi-concentrate on getting to the restaurant in one piece! 

I parked my car in the lot, saw her waiting for me in the lobby, her elbows resting on her knees as she was leaning over in her seat, I looked up at her, locked eyes and had the biggest smile on my face. We greeted each other in the lobby, grabbed her hand and she led me to our table upstairs, as I thought um, ok why are we passing the hostess...but kept my hand in hers as she led the way. I walked up the stairs and in the corner table, there were five people holding up menus covering their faces, they took them down as we approached closer!! AAAHHHHHHH as I yelled out loud in the restaurant, good thing the restaurant was loud anyways! It was Missy's best friend Carmen, my friend Courtney and Erika, and my best friend Michelle and her fiance, Kyle. AAAAHHHH, As I pointed to them around the table, in the order listed above, you live in maine, you have work late, you are supposed to be on your way to boston, and you live in maine, what the heck are you guys doing here!!!! I WAS BEYOND EXCITED!!!! They even had the captain waiting for me with coke and a lime!! It was perfect, I could not stop smiling. Does it say stupid on my forehead, because Missy was still trying to act as if nothing was going to happen tonight, but rather tomorrow on the 13th. They were all here just for a pre-celebratory dinner. hahaha ya, ok! After dinner, plates were cleared, conversation continued and Missy headed to the bathroom...came back a long time after, it seemed like forever anyways, asked me to stand up with her, I kept saying stop it, stop it, and couldn't even look at her. Is this real life? Is this really happening? My friends had their phones out and Carmen was videotaping. And as far as I was concerned it was just Missy and I in the whole entire restaurant. She kneeled down on one knee, pulled the ring out of her pocket and asked me to marry her, in front my friends and strangers. I said yes and the cheers and applauses began!!!!! I was in my glory! She is my reason, my everything, my prize for surviving my past, the hardships, the losses of friends and loved ones, my questioning life and why it has to be so unfair, and the little hope I had left of finding someone I was suppose to spend my life with, share my happiness and sadness, my hopes and dreams. SHE IS MY REASON. 

The chocolate cake came out with "yes" written in pink icing, pictures were taken, congratulations were given, and it was the most perfect evening. One of many nights/days we will never forget as we have started our journey together in this crazy world we live in.