gone by or elapsed in time

Certain people once told me they thought this was just a phase, that this is not what I was going to end up with or something like that. Excuse me for not remembering exactly what they said (which is not like me) probably because of the way the statement(s) didn't settle well with me. I am not bitter anymore. I am not upset anymore. I do not have to apologize to anyone nor think about what I've done and come to my senses. I wish instead they came to their senses, and only realized what a great person/friend they had in their life. Shame on them for judging, not loving.



If this is just a phase, I hope it's the longest phase of my life!


Driving home from the gym this morning, I thought to myself...this is the most consistent unplanned thing I have done for myself, why haven't I done this sooner? Why haven't I done a lot of things sooner. The past doesn't define me, (I am finally getting that) and I need not keep living in the past because what's done is done (I am finally realizing that) but I can be appreciative of the past (I am finally trying to think of it in this way). I can appreciate where I have been, what I have been through, what I made it through, with or without the help of others. I will not forget my mistakes, but it's time to forget the heartbreaks.

10/11/11 support love.

October 11, 2011...National Coming Out day. Interesting choice of dates. Two years ago, I was on the beach saying yes to what I thought was my future, my only hope, my only chance for happiness, a family, a life shared with someone rather than just myself. Two years later, I am sitting on the couch while you sleep, after busting my ass on the treadmill, wondering if I love you enough, if you love me enough to make this work, to make our relationship last. I love you with all of me, you have a love from me I have given to no other person, even the man I was going to marry, so if that's not enough, I'm not sure what is. I love you more each day, some days in different ways, loving you the way you need, the way I need. No one said relationships are easy, but nothing that is worth something is ever easy, and baby this is love, this is life, this is something worth holding on to.

People make mistakes, you and I have both made our fair share, what's done is done, and some mistakes are better left unspoken, but just because they are unspoken, doesn't mean they are left not felt or known. Hurt, anger, sadness, who wants to re-live that...people make mistakes, often times people don't realize what they have until you have a taste of something or someone else. Sometimes, that's just the way it is I guess, and who's to say what's right and what's wrong, we're not married. not yet. So we learn from our mistakes. We realize what we have is an amazing person who loves us on our darkest days, and helps us shine on our brightest of days, who loves us without limits, without doubt, without conditions. It's not always about taking the easy way out, staying with someone rather than leaving because it's easier that way. Our love, it's not an easy kind of love, so staying because it's easy, that's just foolish. And no one knows that better than me, when I made the decision, took the risk in the story of my own life, to leave, to do me, to love myself, so I could love you.

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I'm with you."