Day 24.

Day 24...Goals for next month

get a pedicure

do color run

keep showing up to work on time

have a good birthday

go out with my friends

keep it up at the gym

not in any particular order. 

Day 22.

Day 22...One thing you've never done that most people have

watch an entire football game beginning to end. haha

Day 21.

Day 21... Someone who inspires you.

in·spire  (n-spr)

v. in·spired, in·spir·ing, in·spires

v.tr.

1. To affect, guide, or arouse by divine influence.

2. To fill with enlivening or exalting emotion: hymns that inspire the congregation; an artist who was inspired by Impressionism.

3.

a. To stimulate to action; motivate: a sales force that was inspired by the prospect of a bonus.

b. To affect or touch: The falling leaves inspired her with sadness.

4. To draw forth; elicit or arouse: a teacher who inspired admiration and respect.

5. To be the cause or source of; bring about: an invention that inspired many imitations.

6. To draw in (air) by inhaling.

7. Archaic

a. To breathe on.

b. To breathe life into

Hmmm... someone who inspires me...Can I inspire myself? haha. just kidding... my parents. I feel as though that is a generic answer, but not in all cases I suppose. My parents inspire me to do the best I can, they support me in the decisions I make and have made knowing that I think way too much into things and weigh all my options and etc before making such life decisions. They inspire me to grow, learn and make mistakes on my own but are there for me if things go wrong. They have touched me in ways they will never know, I can only hope I can show them the love and motivation and support they have given me and know that I am forever grateful for everything they have done for me and continue to do. 

My trainer inspires me to show up to the gym, because we all know that showing up is half the battle. Once I'm there, I kick ass. 

My therapist inspires me to make better decisions, mostly because I feel as though I have to confess to her if I haven't made good choices, and sometimes that doesn't make me feel good.

My friends inspire me, motivate me, draw out in me my unconditional love and passion for people, caring for people and helping people. 

Day 20.

Day 20... 5 things you're passionate about

Passionate..capable of, affected by, or expressing intense feeling..

hmm.... I am passionate about a lot of things... family, helping those in need, should be more passionate about working out (I'm getting there), traveling and seeing the world before I die, equality.

I love my family with all of my heart, the good, the bad and the ugly intolerable times as well because as one of my favorite quotes state, "Other things may change us, but we start and end with family." No matter what, in times of need, I have witnessed that families come together, well at least mine has in the past. 

Helping those in need, don't even get me started on all the empty buildings in this god forsaken place, yet there are still thousands of people that are living without a roof over there head. Turn those buildings into shelters, or even better, wheelchair accessible shelters. If I won the lottery, which first I understand I'd have to play the lottery, but anyways... I would turn one of the many empty buildings I see on a daily basis into a shelter and hire workers, an accountant and all that jazz that you need to run one of those places. Priorities people... what ever happened about taking care of one another in our own towns, cities and states, never mind other countries. 

working out... my head is there, just keep swimming... just keep swimming... it will pay off, you will feel better, you are great.

traveling... I want to see the world, Australia, backpack across Europe, drive across country, try new foods, meet new people, see new things.

Equality. how stupid are these people going to look years from now, when gay marriage is just marriage. It goes back to black and white and even before then... people are people. love is love. 

Day 19.

Day 19...What's in your bag

Nothing too exciting at all... I have actually been rocking the little over the shoulder purse lately I got from my mom a few years ago straight from Italy!! a few tampons, license, medical insurance card, triple a card, and credit card, along with some ibuprofen in a bag. haha. 

Day 18.

Day 18...Someone you miss... (which was also day 12)

So I will write this one, not missing a specific person persay rather missing someone I can call mine. Someone I can spend time together with laughing, loving, hugging, kissing, sharing things, arguing, making up...etc. That's what I am missing these days... blah blah blah, they say it happens when you least expect it and all that jazz, I understand that, I have heard it all before. I am going to be 31 soon, been engaged, and broke it off, been in and out of many relationships or so called relationships and also been in relationships which I thought would be life long. I don't want to be alone, I want to share my life with someone I love and who loves me. Sounds cliche, but I don't want to be alone. 

Day 17.

Day 17...Someone who broke your heart

  

She broke my heart, and it will never quite heal the same. It had been cracked and broken here and there before she came along, but she broke it in a different kind of way. Maybe it was the fact that I thought I was more grown up than past relationships and ready to finally be with someone who loved me for me and I loved them for them, and settle down, talk about a family, just be myself, so at ease.... but there was always the underlying not talked about baggage on both ends, my trust issues, and her sneaky ways, partially because she had just come out and accepted herself and who she was, so how can I truly be mad at her for that, I just wish, and I'm sure she wishes too, that it happened differently, and then maybe it wouldn't have hurt so bad, the lies, the betrayal, the sneakiness, the lack of trust, on both of our parts. 

Day 15.

Day 15...Something that excites you and fills you with joy

Honestly... my motivation from myself to kick ass at the gym. I am so very proud of myself for my determination to continue my exercise and better my health and well being by going to the gym. Although the scale seems to be at a stand still, the measuring tape has said otherwise, so losing inches is great with me! I have been feeling more and more comfortable at the gym too, not that I wasn't comfortable before, it's probably one of the places I don't really care what I look like or how I look when I'm lifting weights and whatnot next to fit high school boys and girls...who am I kidding, as I have gotten older I care less and less what I look like and how people may or may not look at me. Anywho...back to the gym... my roommate just asked the gym excites you and fills you with joy? I laughed, and was like yeah actually believe it or not it does. So yeah, I'm going to keep on keeping on... 

Day 14.

Day 14.... Relationship to food.

under construction....

Day 13.

Day 13....Someone you have always wanted to meet.

This is an easy one, hands down, my grandfather, the only grandparent I have not met, my mother's father, Jid, (that's what we would have called him). I love hearing all the stories about him and my Sittoo. Uncle Fran has some pretty funny ones, Auntie Denise can remember a few here and there, hah, and I love looking at the old pictures of all of them before he passed away so suddenly in an accident when my mother was just 16 years old, and his youngest child, my Aunt Chris was only nine years old. 

The best story or statement about him, was that everyone always said, even Sittoo when she was alive, that he would have loved to have met and spoiled all his grandchildren! He loved kids, and if he could have had it his way, Him and Sittoo would have had more than five children! Sittoo had sixteen grandchildren and yet somehow, some magical way, she made each of us in our own way feel as if we were her favorite. It also would have been great to see the two of them together, and my mom's relationship with her dad. 

Someday we shall all meet, meet again...

Day 12.

Day 12....Someone you miss

I miss Sittoo, my grandmother, my mom's mom....every single day. It's been nine years, and it doesn't get easier, you just kinda get used to her not being there, which sucks, for lack of better term. Sucks for many reasons, as the days go by, the sound of her voice gets softer and softer in the distance. Not only do I miss her, but most days, most holidays/family gatherings, I miss her presence. You never really do see how one person impacts a whole, until they are gone. How our family functioned with her around, and how we all got along, even if it was just to please her, we did it, and well now...more times than not, our family just seems a little more separated to me. 

I also am missing my brothers, my siblings, people who share, or are supposed to share a special bond in your life. currently they are not sharing in any of that, and it makes me sad and helpless. To sit back and watch the ones we love just not care anymore, not help themselves, wasting their lives away, or maybe not, but not including those who love them more than they could ever know. I miss the good ol' days all too often here and there. The days of stupid bickering with my brothers, but then them coming over and hanging out, eating dinner over, watching tv, visiting with me and Russell. The good ol' days when I'd ask Nick if my hair was curly in the back, he'd get mad at me for chewing loud, and then we would be laughing over some silly hallmark saying Dad would mumble at the kitchen table. And I know I'm not the only one who misses that and them. 

Day 11.

Day 11....Something unusual

On the way to work today, and once I got to work, I didn't hear on the radio or in school to do a moment of silence for 9/11. I was both kind of saddened by this, but at the same time it was kind of nice to carry on the day as a "normal" wednesday September 11th kind of day. I am not being insensitive at all, not a year goes by that I don't remember those who lose their lives, loved ones, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters.... 

Rest peacefully. 

Day 10.

Day 10...the weather...

Heat wave is a coming!!! Supposed to be in the 90s tomorrow, on September 11th, 2013. I actually heard that there is a heat advisory tomorrow. Craziness all around. The weather. The heat...maybe a sick and twisted reminder of the horrendous acts of hatred that took place tomorrow, 12 long but such short years ago, especially to all those it affected (for lack of better word) directly. 

Day 9.

Day 9...Your favorite thing to do right now

Like right now? right this very instance? It would be looking on pinterest for school craft ideas for the new school year for our kiddos, and ecards, of course ecards. They make me laugh when sometimes I just want to cry after really long days. 

My favorite thing to do lately? My favorite thing to do lately is talk to my mom, go to the gym and cuddle with Russell. I may not always feel like going to the gym, but as soon as I walk through the door, people recognize me, they say hello, I feel as though I belong, and I love that. I am so strong, so much stronger emotionally and physically, and do my best each time. And even on the days when I feel as though it wasn't my best, hey I still made it to the gym, which is better than not making it there, right? right! 

Morning cuddle time with Russell....even though he sleeps with me every night and all night long, when he pokes his head up from underneath the covers, he stretches, yawns...sometimes with or without noise, and then wags his little tail forcefully as his face is right up in my face looking for some loving. It's a great feeling, to be loved, even if the only place it's coming from in the morning is my furry white poochy woochy!! haha. 

My mom. I spent all last week at my parents house, not only because they both needed me, my dad still recovering from his hip replacement and my mom from her second degree burns she got at work, but also because I needed them a little more than usual. I was craving some mommy and daddy time. It was good for the three of us. It was nice. no fights, just laughs, silly arguments, food and a little extra tender love and care. 

Day 8

Day 8....Five things from your bucket list

1. Go on a vacation to Lebanon

2. Go to Australia

3. Rent or own an RV and drive cross country with someone I love and take as many photographs and memories with me along the way.

4. Be a mom

5. Find my soul mate

Day 7

Day 7....Siblings

I wish this wasn't such a tough one right now, but it is and has been for awhile now. Without getting too personal here and/or too upset. I will describe this one in a few short words.

Worried about them, love them more than they realize, can't help them because they need to help themselves, sad they won't text me back.

losing them. scared for them. worried for them. wish I could help them.

Day 6

Day 6....Someone who does not live in my country

This makes me giggle a little bit, but only because I knew exactly who I wanted to write about....she's actually come up in a couple different conversations/facebook responses lately...my pen pal from 7th grade, Melanie. She lives or did live at the time in Australia.

I had signed up for a pen pal in french class with Mrs. Kapas and got one then just like the rest of the class; however, a few weeks later or so I received a letter from this girl my age, maybe a little younger, baby blue eyes and bright natural blonde hair color, Melanie from Australia. Huh I thought, "maybe my name is out there on some kind of pen pal list." That was cool with me, since I actually kept in touch much longer with Melanie than the one I was assigned to in my french class.

Many many letters sent back and forth from the U.S to Australia, the beginning of my love for wanting to visit the country/continent, which I have not yet, but still would love to go some day!! We sent pictures, stamps, and even had discussed about sending videos but figured out that it may not be compatible to watch each others, so we tried to set up some time to talk on the phone and if memory serves me correctly, I don't believe that ever happened either, because it was a twelve hour time difference. For some reason though I think it may have happened once, but maybe only because I had wanted it to am I thinking that it had actually happened.

Anyways, one day letters just stopped. It's all good. It was fun while it lasted, and a pretty cool childhood experience. 

Day 5

Day 5...3 Things you like about your personality

hmmm..... so as years go by, I guess there are more things I like about myself, yet why is it so difficult to admit these things without any doubt or hesitation...why, because we are our own worse enemies most of the time! silliness. If we don't love ourselves, no one else is going to either, why would they want to.

Currently three things I like about my personality... 

I used to not really like the fact that I was such an "open book" everyone saying they knew what I was thinking, how I was feeling...etc. but as the  years have passed, and I have been in different relationships along the way and such friendships too, I have to say that being an "open book" is not such a bad thing. First comes to mind, is that I can't hide how I'm feeling or can't lie rather about the way I am feeling or maybe what I am thinking of a certain person or thing, and what's so bad about being a terrible liar? I'm totally ok with the fact that I am bad at lying. Not only does that hurt others, but it's just more work, because then you have to remember all of the lies and/or keep them straight with the actual facts etc.. so yeah, I am terrible at lying and quite frankly really good at showing emotions. Besides what is the point of living in this crazy world if you can't express freely how you feel, who you love, and so on and so forth. I remember classmates during middle school and whatnot always telling me I tell too much to people, and I shouldn't say this or I should say that, well for one, those people are not in my life anymore, and secondly, this is me, this is who I am. I am a terrible liar, and I apparently have a hard time closing my book sometimes, so take it or leave it. Like I said just recently to a pretty great person, this is me on date 2 or date 32, why pretend to be someone I am not. Those who will want to read my book, will continue to do so and those who do not, well they have had no problem closing it all by themselves. 

With all that emotion stuff just said, and as much as I joke around or whatnot about not really liking people, again terrible liar, I know, but I didn't say I don't try to lie sometimes, ha.... I am a very loving person. I will do most anything for those dear to my heart. Some play hard, I love hard. I get it from my mom, and I am more than ok with that, even if it comes with it's disappointments: those of which I have learned better coping skills to deal with along the way. I love hard. I just haven't found that person deserving of all my love I have to give, so in the mean time I will continue loving myself a little more each day, because some days that is a hard enough task to accomplish. 

Hmm... one more thing I currently like about my personality...those of you reading this may have already guessed this one and if so, that's great! I like my ability to laugh, to turn anything into something perverted, my sarcasm. My sarcasm has been a defense mechanism, coping skill, denial (at times) or call it whatever else, but my sarcasm, my laughter, my not so classy moments... those are the fun moments, the times that remind me I am alive, I am still living, I am surviving all the pain, loss and hurt I have experienced in my life, I am laughing and having fun. I am fun. and I am great. I am a great person. and for the first time in a really really long time, I said that aloud the other day and it felt pretty great. 

Day 4

Day 4...25 Things to do before your next Birthday!

Shit... I better get going since my birthday is in about a month and half away! :)

In no particular order...

1. Do a color splash run

2. lose a few inches/lbs

3. clean out my car

4. walk Russell more

5. Continue to arrive on time to work

6. Get a hold of my youngest brother

7. paint my nails

8. get a pedicure
9. put my pictures in my photo album
10. make my Italy fav photos on snappish
11. get my hair trimmed
12. put a strip of pink in my hair for breast cancer awareness month (october)
13. skype with Alyssa
14. take a day trip to boston
15. do a friday night with my girls
16. "book club" with work peeps
17. organize bills online
18. buy some new pants for the fall
19. visit Michelle
20. visit with Kristie
21. pay back erika for Hayley's wedding gift
22. update Russell's scrapbook
23. put together the frame of Sittoo stuff for mom
24. mail Michelle's engagement gift I bought her awhile ago
25. go to provincetown with the girls 

Day 3.

Day 3.... Your day in detail

So I started my day waking up in my parents new guest room bed they just bought.. I stayed at my parents house, because well they are both on drugs. haha, for real, it sucks, but they are both in pain, hip surgery and 2nd degree burns. craziness. I need my mommy as much as she needs me around right now. But anyways...The bed was comfy but not worn in yet I guess, so a little too firm, but anywho. Took russ out, and headed to work and on time yet again!! I'm trying a new thing or things...being on time this year and being chipper!! The school secretary said she may like it some days and may not some days, I said don't worry, me too. ahaha My morning was actually pretty great until about 10:30/11 when my kiddo decided to not want to work anymore, however, I would take this morning's behavior over his aggression and screaming, he was just rather tired and non responsive. it's all good. but before that, he was rocking it! we were matching and going to town with expressively id'ing colors, without any prompts!! I was so proud of him. We both needed a pick me up as it is only the 2nd week of school... so lunch was a good break out of the room for me, and then back to assist in feeding my kiddo lunch, which he would have inhaled in very few bites if left unattended, but breakfast for lunch, who doesn't like that every now and again. Actually, I didn't like it at all during my school days. So yeah...off to my afternoon kiddo, ms. smarty stubborn pants with numerous behaviors, ya know all the good ones: spitting, licking, pinching, hitting, etc...but she's a tiny thing so it's not so bad, yet anyways. Recess on the swing which she loves, a few fake cries when she would rather have played instead of doing the puzzles and telling me the colors of the picture cards, but miss cosky stood her ground, sorry kiddo! We need to squash her behaviors, potty train and she's good to go. The highlight of my afternoon, she said "poop" and we rushed to the bathroom, and sure enough she went!! She's great!!! The not so highlight, fire drill fun times. As I carried her up the stairs to get her moving out of the building...sweating my ass off waiting in line with the rest of the kids. Snack time, some more work, fake crying and just ignoring me to end the school day. After school/work, it was time to stop by my parents house, to check up on the patients, take russell out and head to job number 2 of the day, respite dinner and errands. French Onion soup and a chicken fiesta salad with dressing on the side, of which I took half for lunch tomorrow. yum. Off to Target to find some headphones for him and I picked up a few tanks that were in clearance and a 4 pack of playdough for the kiddos to replenish our playdough supply. Then it was off to my house to get some more things in order to stay at my parents house until thursday night. these two crazy kids need me, if anything else to be a buffer between them. ha. almost 35 loving years of marriage :) phone call to check if they were still alive while I was on my way to the gym at 8:30. craziness I know, but damn it felt great. I did a pyramid of four different stations, two arm exercises, squats while holding weights, and crunches, a shit ton of crunches. and when I got to number 5 rep of each them, I did a few minute sprint on the treadmill, and then back to finish my pyramid and talk it up with Dave who was working out a little while cleaning up and whatnot at the end of his shift, which was in about a half hour, since I left the gym around 9:30. Back to my parents house to see my baby puppy, and play nurse to mom, changing her guaze pads, taking her temp and getting her tylenol. Messed around with boardmaker a little bit for work, and now here I am. sweet sweet dreams are ahead of me I hope... as I am determined to wake up and head to the gym in the morning for cardio. 

Day 2.

Day 2... something you look forward to in the next 12 months

Hmm.... 12 months is a long time, but I have also been waiting a long enough time. A long enough time to be happy. Yeah sure I have been plenty of happy a long the way, but I am talking real happy. If that makes any sense. And I'm not saying finding my soul mate or whatever you want to call it will make me real happy, but yes it kinda will right. 

I am not supposed to be by myself. I have so much love to give and share with someone. I want to be a mom someday, have my own family, share love, happiness, ups and downs with someone who loves and respects me as much as I do them. But enough with that blah blah blah... that's the real Lianne answer, but now for the real I secretly dislike people answer... I can't wait for my best friend Michelle's wedding!! Not only is it the first wedding I will ever be in, but maid of honor!! 

It truly will be such an honor to stand by someone who I have known and loved for the past 13 years on her special day. As she knows from previous conversations we have had, I am not sure how I feel about weddings these days after having cancelled and broken off my own engagement almost 5 years ago now, but that aside, I am also looking forward to my special day, not necessarily my wedding day, but the day I know I have found that person, my person. 

Day 1.

So I decided I need to write more, and needed a little push... so here it is...the 30 day writing challenge I found via pinterest!

Day 1: Basic things about yourself...

basic...simple...things about myself... hmmm. well if you know me and how I tell stories and such, simple is sometimes difficult to do, so here goes nothing. I am almost 31 years old and I still love to play in the sand at the beach. Probably the only place I don't mind getting dirty, my hands that is, although I have been a little more flexible with that since my line of work is working with young children and even the most basic of tasks can be quite dirty at times. I am still so in love with my puppy Russell who I have had for almost 8 years now! I love love love laughing with people who I love and care a lot for. I enjoy scrapbooking, taking pictures of everything and anything, rocking out to good tunes, impromptu pool parties or get togethers with friends, road trips, and Maine. I am obsessed with Maine, the beach, and the ocean. 

I want to be loved and respected, I want to be told the truth to, held, and loved loved loved. I want to be a mother some day. I have a secret obsession with wanting to be pregnant, and if all went well with delivering my first child, I would want to look into being a surrogate for those in need. I have always wanted to have one child of my own, and also adopt a child, but from the U.S. because our own country has enough children who need loving homes too.

I am creative, motivated, loving, sarcastic...As much as I say I dislike people, I would put own needs second to those I love or those in need or more love. I sometimes think I don't deserve to be happy, but this past year, this past year of being 30 has brought to light many things I actually do love about myself, and want to work on, and have changed in order to add to my own happiness and quality of life.