Sometimes we meet people, then we get to know them and thank goodness that we figured out sooner than later how they are not a good match for us after all....so the hunt continues, or not so much. There is no hunt, there wasn't ever a hunt. Love and all that jazz happens when you are not looking for it, when you don't expect it, it just happens, and that I truly believe.
So the hunt continues to find myself, digging deeper than I have ever done so before... it only took me 20 something years to start loving me, loving my body, loving things about me. I have been working my ass off at the gym, (well my ass is still there but you know what I mean), and nothing, no change on the scale, so he measured me, and inches have fallen everywhere...my waist, arms, legs. And I ask him, "would you be happy with that?" He said "if I were you I would be very happy with that, your body is transforming the fat to lean muscle." Tears instantly fell from my face and I took a minute to regroup before we started working out. He asked if I was good to go and I wiped the tears aside and went to stretch it out. He said "ok, lets shock your body, we're doing pyramids...three exercises 10 reps, 9 reps, 8 reps...etc." I looked at him in shock and fear and disbelief that I could pull this off, but also with comfort and trust. He believes in me, he is working with me for free after all.. this is a great opportunity, that I am sure as hell not taking for granted, he and I both know that. Every week I get stronger, more confident. "Ok, let's do this then!"
I did it! I did 3 leg/arm exercises pyramid style, then 10 minutes of cardio intervals, and on to the next three arm/leg/ab exercises! I killed the double leg raises, no longer slouching, actually able to hold myself up and on the 4th rep cycle, I lifted both legs straight in front of me!!! ahhh!!! "Did I really just do that???" High fives exchanged, "you did!!!" So he asked what I wanted my last cardio to be and I chose RUNNING!! of all things, RUNNING! and I AM NOT A RUNNER!! He asked if I had it in me, I looked at him and said yes I do, I have to! I can't fall off the treadmill, if I do, I will never get back on it!! NEVER! so I did it!! I ran a minute at an incline even and my speed 5.0, then walked a minute, ran a minute...and I did that for 5 minutes!!! AND I DID THAT AFTER AN HOUR OF 6 exercises Pyramid style!!! I DID IT!! I BUSTED MY ASS AND WAS STILL ABLE TO WALK OUT OF THE GYM!! HAHAA. He was proud of me, but an even better feeling was that I WAS PROUD OF ME! despite the lack of change on the scale for the past four weeks, I lost inches, and I shocked my body, I have been shocking my body week after week...and I will continue to do so.
I started a cleanse this weekend. a nine-day cleanse. maybe so then my body will realize it's ok to lose weight, especially since my mind is definitely there. And it starts with your MIND.
