week 5. facing fear.

Well well well....week 5 is behind me and I couldn't be happier to report that I actually ran on the treadmill!!! Ran, did you hear me? I said Ran... this is coming from someone who is not athletic at all, used to be the biggest one always in her ballet classes, however played midfield in soccer for the few seasons I did play, which is the position with the most running.. ha! ok coach. what were you thinking? This is someone who walked the mile at 25 minutes in high school for goodness sake!

Wednesday was the big day! After walking vigorously for 19 minutes, I built up the courage... that's how long it took... 4 weeks and 19 minutes of walking on the treadmill three-four times a week!! HA. Totally had dreams about falling off the treadmill, and it didn't help that Tuesday morning, only two minutes into my walk, my sweat towel dropped, so Wednesday morning, I was like great, if I start running, I'm going to be my towel... and slide right off!! Running on the treadmill? Only fit people do that, who was I fooling?

Vigorous: possessing vigor : full of physical or mental strength or active force

Mental strength...a friend from work the other day was just saying she read somewhere how your body has 5 more minutes of fuel even when you think you can't go any longer, keep going... just like a car if you will, when the fuel light comes on, you know you always say to yourself, eh, just a few more miles, and then I'll get gas I suppose!! It makes total sense that our mind would start telling us crazy things before our body actually shut down...I'm hoping I would know if I was going to actually pass out before I did....so I just kept going.



This morning was amazing...I couldn't be more impressed with myself. After walking at a great pace for me, 17 minutes in and I was definitely feeling it all those minutes in my shins and quads (especially after a hard workout in water aerobics last night!) I did it.. I pressed that increase speed button like no body's business! haha... and ran this time for two whole minutes, finishing my last stretch to complete the mile this morning in 18 minutes 22 seconds, but I kept running a little past a mile... and then brought it back down to a walk....and something came over me... was I going to run again? I sure did. I even LET GO OF THE HANDLES...arms swaying doing the running thing....craziness!!? I walked for 2 minutes, and then ran again for a minute and a half, and repeated this one last time!! By the third sprint, I was definitely using my mental strength and everything I had in me, sweat all over the place! all before 6:45 am, while the Royal Wedding was being broadcast on all stations on all TVs across the gym wall....BEAUTIFUL, JUST BEAUTY all around... all the while I was thinking of how much more strength and determination I've had inside of me all along... it's just finding its way out now...and it's a beautiful thing.

To feel good about yourself, to treat yourself and your body the way you and it deserves, to be surrounded by unconditional love and support, less negativity, more motivation. I truly understand as I approach week 6 what people mean when they say it's a life change... I just need to make it to week 7 and I created a life change, a habit, a healthy habit!

week 4. gym.

As much as I would like to just lounge around or run some errands, but even that's a maybe on this lovely rainy saturday... I'm heading to the gym, keeping my last appointment with the orientation training packet I received when applying for the gym! But more importantly I'm keeping the promise to myself and my body I suppose! I said the other day aloud "This is a lifestyle change," boy did that feel good to hear! I was soo happy after the water aerobics class the other night, which I loved and plan on continuing on Thursday nights!! I was just so happy and proud of myself, that for not going to the gym for a few days due to being on a mini vacation to Maryland, I was happy to return into some sort of routine. The walking around tons in Maryland was great, don't get me wrong, and I was very much proud of myself for all those miles as well, and for huffing and puffing a bit less than I would have prior to my yoga/gym routine days!! I guess I am just loving the way I am eating, craving healthy foods, fruits, yogurts, adding spinach to my salads, looking forward to grocery shopping even more than I did before, and just loving the way I seem to be so self motivated...To a lifestyle change, to being better to myself and my body... spreading the motivation and love...



What have you done today to feel good about yourself and/or make your body feel good?

gym. love. craziness.

They say it takes two weeks to break a habit, 6 weeks to create one. Well people, it's week three and I'm doing pretty darn good if my opinion counts on the matter. I joined a local gym in town at the end of March to get their deal of only 49 dollars to sign up and then monthly at only 46 dollars, which includes access to the group fitness classes, the gym area of course, and group swim classes! Money well spent. The wii fit just wasn't motivating enough. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed doing it and will continue here and there but as far as motivating? not really.

What's a better motivator than money? I am paying to go the gym, then gosh darn it, I will go. But more seriously, because that's not what I think of every morning I wake to go to the gym is the money I'm spending, I'm thinking about the muscles in my body I'm using, the feeling I feel after I work out and even when I'm there. I couldn't be prouder of myself. Three times a week, plus a yoga class on Mondays with friends from work, and I am going to try out next week my first swim water works class there. I am looking forward to it. Speaking of looking forward to, I actually look forward to going to the gym! that alone my friends is quite the accomplishment!! Hard work pays off, and after the swim class, my routine and me time will be even more in place.

Have a great weekend. School vacation starts today at 3:45! Ah, the joys of working in a school, even if I have been sick every vacation this year! I tried preventing my sore throat this time, with let's just say a few vitamin c pills, some honey, allergy pill and ibprofen!! feeling better!!! heading to Maryland in the early morning, my first road trip with my camry!! She got her tires rotated and oil changed and is ready to go. Enjoy the nice weather ahead, I'll be soaking up the sun a few states south!!

<3

be good to yourself.

‎"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up." A.Lamott

I found this quote the other night, and as much shit that is going on in the world and having hope etc, it reminded me more personally of my recent gym endeavor!! Day 6 week 2. Can you believe there are actually people awake at 5:30 in the morning, and not just awake, but showered, dressed and driving off to work I suppose...while I go through the 2 stoplights, one of which is still blinking, on my way to the gym to sweat and feel the burn! Oh Boy, am I feeling the burn? Today, I met with my a trainer for the second free of charge orientation training I received when joining... and did he teach me a few things or two! He sure did! And I can't say I totally hate him for showing me things that in weeks/months from now my less flabby stomach and arms will thank him and me of course for all the hard work I plan on putting in! So what if I could barely reach my arms up to shampoo my hair today, and as my body burns in areas and muscles I did not know existed, I feel great about myself and my self motivation! Getting up an hour and half earlier than usual is an accomplishment in itself! HA!

Getting up may have been the hard part the first day or two, but I had to start somewhere! I have a few pairs of pants waiting for me in the closet to fit into, I have people and loved ones supporting me, I have the confidence and time to do this. The time is now. I need to feel even better about me, about my body, about me on the outside as well as the inside. I deserve this, my future deserves this... so getting up in the dark, that's where it starts. I showed up! I signed up and I showed up, and guess what Lianne, you enjoyed yourself, you left the gym smiling!! I woke up this past Tuesday looking forward to going to the gym, especially since we cancelled yoga for my coworkers surprise wedding shower, so come Tuesday, with much surprise to myself, I was actually looking forward to the gym...if that sounds crazy, just imagine how I feel saying it? HA!

All this.. comes after a pretty emotional week, and I know I'm an emotional person, however, even us emotional ones have our even more emotionally and for lack of better words, shitty week. Enough was enough I guess, it just piled up one thing after another, as the story goes. Brothers not showing up when they said they would, emotional stress at work I didn't know how to deal with other than crying and saying things I probably shouldn't have, but most importantly losing it with my loved one, a side they have never seen of me before, driving off when I was crying and screaming so crazily. It was time. It was past due. I needed me time. I knew it, but I didn't do anything about it before the explosion. I should have just known when the scrap booking had slowed down, the journaling non existent, and little to no down time at night whatsoever. So needless to say, and thank goodness, I finally made the call. I made a few calls/emails. I shortened my hours after work with my second job, I joined the gym, I started walking Russell again... I needed me time back. Denial? Stubborness? It is was it is. I can't change how things happened, I can't change anything from my past unfortunately, but I can change my future. I can change it by getting my ass to the gym even if it's dark, I can change it by taking more time during the week in doing things I love to do. That's what will get me through weeks in and weeks out.

It may be dark when I arrive, I may still have lines on my face from sleeping, I may be cold and yawning, but here I am ready to go, and sure enough when I leave, I'm sweating, smiling and the sun is shining. The day has just begun. This journey, another chapter, has just begun, and I won't give up, because I can't give up, because if I have learned anything in counseling and psychology classes, if you fall, only you can pick yourself up and keep going.

"The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes."-C.Swindoll