Day 5

Day 5...3 Things you like about your personality

hmmm..... so as years go by, I guess there are more things I like about myself, yet why is it so difficult to admit these things without any doubt or hesitation...why, because we are our own worse enemies most of the time! silliness. If we don't love ourselves, no one else is going to either, why would they want to.

Currently three things I like about my personality... 

I used to not really like the fact that I was such an "open book" everyone saying they knew what I was thinking, how I was feeling...etc. but as the  years have passed, and I have been in different relationships along the way and such friendships too, I have to say that being an "open book" is not such a bad thing. First comes to mind, is that I can't hide how I'm feeling or can't lie rather about the way I am feeling or maybe what I am thinking of a certain person or thing, and what's so bad about being a terrible liar? I'm totally ok with the fact that I am bad at lying. Not only does that hurt others, but it's just more work, because then you have to remember all of the lies and/or keep them straight with the actual facts etc.. so yeah, I am terrible at lying and quite frankly really good at showing emotions. Besides what is the point of living in this crazy world if you can't express freely how you feel, who you love, and so on and so forth. I remember classmates during middle school and whatnot always telling me I tell too much to people, and I shouldn't say this or I should say that, well for one, those people are not in my life anymore, and secondly, this is me, this is who I am. I am a terrible liar, and I apparently have a hard time closing my book sometimes, so take it or leave it. Like I said just recently to a pretty great person, this is me on date 2 or date 32, why pretend to be someone I am not. Those who will want to read my book, will continue to do so and those who do not, well they have had no problem closing it all by themselves. 

With all that emotion stuff just said, and as much as I joke around or whatnot about not really liking people, again terrible liar, I know, but I didn't say I don't try to lie sometimes, ha.... I am a very loving person. I will do most anything for those dear to my heart. Some play hard, I love hard. I get it from my mom, and I am more than ok with that, even if it comes with it's disappointments: those of which I have learned better coping skills to deal with along the way. I love hard. I just haven't found that person deserving of all my love I have to give, so in the mean time I will continue loving myself a little more each day, because some days that is a hard enough task to accomplish. 

Hmm... one more thing I currently like about my personality...those of you reading this may have already guessed this one and if so, that's great! I like my ability to laugh, to turn anything into something perverted, my sarcasm. My sarcasm has been a defense mechanism, coping skill, denial (at times) or call it whatever else, but my sarcasm, my laughter, my not so classy moments... those are the fun moments, the times that remind me I am alive, I am still living, I am surviving all the pain, loss and hurt I have experienced in my life, I am laughing and having fun. I am fun. and I am great. I am a great person. and for the first time in a really really long time, I said that aloud the other day and it felt pretty great.