"take care of yourself"

"I'm not good at goodbyes" "You don't have to be" "ok....thankyou" "you're welcome..go out there and stop obsessing...take care of yourself" "you too, thanks!"

so it has ended. my sessions and extended sessions through lovely fallon health plan has ended. the relationship with my counselor has ended. the relationship with myself...always is to be continued... my responsibility to carry out and remember what we, what I talked about, my feelings on where I've been and how far I've come, the relationships and friendships I have allowed myself to distance from a bit more than when I started these sessions, with less tears, less anger and believe it or not, less sarcasm when talking about them or thinking about them/things. That's just it....I need to stop. Just stop thinking about them, they have stopped long ago, so why can't I? Will I always have some type of obsessive behavior/personality? Just because it is a part of me, it does not have to consume me anymore.

Go out there and stop obessessing she said! It still sounds easier than it is, but she's right. I don't think of myself as a very dramatic person, but very much indeed a sarcastic person with obsessive and compulsive behaviors, with tendencies to hold onto people who just don't want to be held onto, who have moved on without me. Obsession: Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.

I can do this. I can continue on this path of re-discovering myself in a healthier and happier way. I'm eating better, I'm exercising, I'm smiling more and meaning it, I'm deep belly laughing, I'm talking (not yelling...as much) about problems/concerns...I can do this. I need to do this, for me. "When you truely know who you are you will fully understand the kind of person you want in your life."

"You've got enemies? GOOD, that means you actually stood up for something in your life."-eminem

She raised a good point when she said that I have my family. I have their support. That is more than most people have, and that is all you need. I think that will stick with me through this. I know it will. There is truly nothing else that is more important to me than my family.

Family: A group of persons sharing common ancestry. but also... “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.” Respect:Willingness to show consideration or appreciation

I don't think I have any tears left in me, any anger to keep fighting with myself because that's really the only one I'm fighting with when I "obsess" over people who just don't appreciate me and respect me for who I am. It's a battle I'm just going to have to surrender to, and that's ok. It is ok. I am still smiling, and more happy than I have ever been. Somewhere deep down, I pulled out the courage and strength inside me to stand up for what I believed in, for what I felt in my heart, for what I needed to do for myself... it still amazes me where that all came from, but regretful? not for a second.