inhale.exhale.repeat.

breathing. sometimes we forget to do it. we may do it too rapidly, too slowly, or just not at all for maybe a few seconds longer than we should have. inhale.exhale.repeat. how hard can it be. its the most natural, consistent thing we do, we just do it. we do it without thinking about it.

breathing room. now that is maybe also not thought about but also could be very well thought about, but maybe before it's too late. I don't ever want it to get to the latter one. lets think about it before it's too late, before we can't go back and give more space to the ones we love. bubble space so we call it in elementary schools these days. teaching kids to be aware of the distance between them and other children so that no one is left getting hurt or uncomfortable. So why is it so hard to continue those teachings with ourselves, with ourselves as adults.

Pursue: To follow urgently, originally with intent to capture or harm; to chase; to follow, to aim for.
Distance: The amount of space between two points. (or in this case, people)

pursuer and distancer were the terms used tonight. everyone plays a certain role in a relationship, whether it's a subconscious or a conscious decision or act on our part. Those roles, whether it be those two or many others, constantly flow between the two people, never staying in the same role for the length of the relationship, in which case, the relationship would probably not work out long term...or maybe not even begin in the first place! ha! In taking it all in (breathing it in) during my session, listening to what was being said and reflecting back in my relationships as well as friendships with those I love and once cared for, I've often played the pursuer; however, could also come up with many examples where I was for sure the distancer. I like to think I am a very independent person, and I am, but emotionally independent? probably not as much as I should be and need to be. Am I aware of it? yes, more so now than ever. So is it helpful to be aware? of course! Now, I can consciously, actively be aware of my boundaries, my ability to allow others to have their own space, minus my false sense of feelings...doubt. anger. neglect. instead reminding myself of the trust. honesty. communication. the ability to let go of those irrational, distorted thoughts I have in order to accomplish a more comfortable position of pursuer (comfortable not only for me, but keeping the atmosphere a safe place for the distancer to return to when ready) when I am in that role... and also be a healthier distancer, making it known when I too need my space minus the short temper, frustration, negativity that instead seem to follow.

inhale. exhale. repeat. and communicate somewhere in between. I now know what it feels like to have someone put me in my place, without the yells and screams or just getting mad and walking away when something is too challenging to address. I even find myself thanking the people who have the strength, the genuine investement into our relationship/friendship, and trust to do just that. put me in my place when needed, knowing that in return I will do the same for them, and not in judgement or anger or frustration, but in respect and in closeness, and in love.

"the real lover is the person who can thrill you by kissing your forehead"-marilyn monroe

"I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught"-winston churchill

"happiness is a journey not a destination..."