"think it can't get any better. it can"

“I miss you when something really good happens, because you were the one I shared it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you were the one who understood me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you were the one that made my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you less and less because its been years and years, but still I miss looking back at all the wonderful times we spent with each other;for those were some of the best times of my life.”

Is there someone in your life, maybe not one, or two, but a couple, a few...that you continue to miss, long for, wish you could have those days back, those friendships back with the people you grew up with, the people that "know" you from multiple times in your life?

To those who have walked out on me for one reason or another, some reasons will never be known, I no longer get mad when I hear a song that reminds me of you guys or flip through a photo album and see all of us smiling, I no longer cry knowing that I will never get a phone call back letting me know for good or bad what happened to us, I no longer wish to be a part of your circle of friends. You closed me out, nor do I wish to return. I know that if we were to miraculously return to the way things used to be, it just wouldn't be. Nothing could ever be the same, for the obvious reason that we are all different people now, knowing and experiencing more than we did before. Forgive and forget...not sure I could forgive, and forget...I'm trying so hard to. I am happy now. I am surrounded by people who love me, and people who support me and my lifestyle and the choices I make on a daily basis. I'm surrounded by communicators, listeners, good spirits, people pleasers, out going and genuine. And I have to believe that this is where I should be. This is exactly where I should be.

But you guys don't get the thank you, the wasted thank yous for getting me here, I survived without you. The people who continue to stand by me, those are the people who get thanked, loved and hugged.

Anger, hurt, sadness...not about you guys anymore, why give the satisfaction of all that when I don't know how you feel or what you think or thought, all I know is your actions truly speak louder than any words you didn't have the guts to say to me. But Anger, hurt, and sadness at times when I look at how happy I am, how much healthier I'm eating, how much more I'm smiling and meaning it, and laughing til I cry...(oh how I missed those days and thankful they are back!)and wonder sometimes why did I have to go through so much in such a short time, in a time of my life when I should be having fun, living it up...that's the only time I feel anger, hurt, and sadness. Disappointment.. I am disappointed in the people I once called friends, friends that were my family, the people who knew me in 7th grade or before and then celebrated my college graduation with me... I am disappointed in the people who I thought would be here forever. I should have spent more time with the loved ones that were taken from me, rather than those who left me.

I passed. I am passing. I made it through all the obstacles thrown at me, some longer and harder than others. Time makes things hurt less, but as far as heal, I'm still unsure. I'm not sure I want to be healed of the hurt and sad feelings, for they have a purpose to serve. They keep me going when the next obstacle comes my way, they are there to remind me I am stronger than I know, I am braver, and I don't give up on something I passionately believe in. So Time Heals, no I don't want it to, those wounds are smaller now and not holding me back, but they serve a purpose. Strength, growth, motivation to keep on smiling. New friends, same old family, and new memories, happier times ahead...this is me, take me or leave me.