"live our lives out loud"

"And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday

Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again"-'Someday' (rob thomas)

Starting over. Starting all over again. Something I have done a handful of times in such a short period of time...5 years or so, but this time, this time has been the most rewarding, most fresh start of them all!! I had really started over this time, selling "stuff" that lost its meaning over time, moving into a smaller place. appreciation, shared chores, shared responsibility: partnership!

Starting over can sometimes get discouraging, a lot of the times. Its a hassle, it's starting from the beginning all over again, no one wants to return to square one, live on their own, start new jobs, meet new love interests, and hardest of them all, start saving their own money again! ugh, money, expenses...forget all the time invested into past relationships, how about the money! When will I ever build a savings again? How am I going to start all over again especially in the bank? Relief. I'm not there yet by any means, but I've come a long way since the end of 2009. It's my life, my money, and my happiness. You think I would have learned, but I guess I just needed something big and over the top to finally have it hit me! Well, it hit me that's for sure! I'm 27 1/2 years old and yes, I started all over again!

I couldn't have done it without the unconditional support and love from my family, although they went through their awkward stage of just trying to wrap their brains around my ever so 'crazy' decision, but they understand now, and even if they don't to the fullest, it's not their decision to understand completely, more importantly to continue to love and support me, which they have, in every way they can, and I am forever grateful to them. And I couldn't have done it without you. Your friendship, support and strength for sticking by me through some really tough nights, phone conversations and emotional distress was not overlooked. Confusion, stress, loss of more friends I thought I'd have for forever, just an overall lack of feeling loved and understood for a little while until it played out in my head, ran its course and I finally came to somewhat of an understanding that this is what I needed to do. I needed to start all over again. Scary. So scary, putting yourself out there, expressing all that you are, with no explanations or reasons (later realizing after numerous counseling sessions and endless chats with you and my mom, that I did not have to provide any reason or explanations or self defense statements, nor did I have any that they would have liked anyways; this was me, take it and love it, or leave it.)

So as Rob Thomas has ever so sung in his song, 'Someday'... Someday we will figure it all out, and it's never too late to do what makes you happy. Sure there is still doubt, fear of the unknown, but being as comfortable as I am in my own skin, with my own decisions I made for me and no one else, well the fear and doubt take a backseat to my happiness, living in the moment, focusing on the more positive outcomes of it all. Rebuilding, and rediscovering who I am and what makes Lianne happy. Things are better now, moving forward, realizing just how good life can get, living our lives outloud...