til death do you part?

"1. The whole gym and eating right thing, not a myth. It works.

2. It's okay to be self indulgent; sometimes.

3. The only thing you can control is yourself; your next move, your attitude.

4. You are stronger than you even know.

5. Real love is worth the wait."

loving someone fully and wholly means loving them exactly as they are today. you can't change someone because you wouldn't want someone to change you - right?

dancing (no matter what you look like) will almost always make you feel better.

Today was the day. It was my wedding day. It was the day that every girl, almost every girl dreams of having, walking down the aisle with her daddy, feeling the most beautiful she's ever felt. Love. It makes you do crazy things, it takes your breath away, it makes your heart beat faster, but it also can be blinding. Wrapped up in everyone elses lives, making sure everyone is taken care of because afterall you love them so much so it seems effortless to take care of them....that is until it becomes overwhelming. I was so consumed by the idea of a marriage, a family, a wedding...I wanted it, I still want it, but it was not the right time nor the right person.

Today was not my wedding day. My choice. My decision. not the easiest one I've ever made, but Today was the day I was grateful for making that decision. I may not have been wearing a white gown, but I still looked beautiful. Today was the day I had been dreading. I woke up today, not knowing how I should feel. So wierd? Not knowing how one should feel? sounds silly, but as happy as I am, the happiest I have ever been in my adult post college life, it was still a day I had never quite experienced before. No matter how happy I am now, so happy today, you know me, it was still a day I couldn't help but reflect on. The last of the days to say goodbye....not with words, not to anyone, not to anyone but me, this was my goodbye, my closure, to the day and what it would have been. The last straw, the last date I don't ever want to remember.

I'm tired of remembering dates and days and people that don't matter, and those dates of lost loved ones, dates and times filled with hurt and sadness. I want more happiness, I want more of this, more of these past 9 months or so... more smiles, more laughter, more good family times, more memories...Today I looked beautiful. I smiled, I laughed, I ate some great food, had some great wine, and even danced a little bit!!

So some seafood, icecream, kabobs and wine later, mixed with laughter, music, dancing and brief tears of happiness, of my strength... I survived this day. Thank you for supporting me, loving me, and accepting me just the way I am, however one may describe me these days.... :)