Dear Younger Self

Dear younger self,

There is so much to tell you, I don't know where to begin. There are some things you just have to learn by doing and going through yourself, but if these words find you any comfort or hope then great. People are not always who you think they are, and life isn't always against you even though it may seem that way at times, more times than not. But head up young person, eyes forward, don't look back, it's a huge waste of time. You won't know who will be there for you 3 or 4 years from now, and that's ok, because when those people walk out, you will be surrounded by some pretty amazing people who are accepting, loving and authentic. They tell it how it is, just like yourself.

Don't waste your time or others by making things sound pretty, that well just aren't pretty. Be truthful, be honest, maybe not so sarcastic, but it's ok at times, because its your defense mechanism. Big word I know. But it will make sense after broken heart after broken heart, and after your losses, death and friendships. That defense mechanism is what is going to hold you together at times when you're just not able to cry anymore. Everyone has them, those silly defense mechanisms, that yes, will sometimes get in the way of potential life long friendships, but please know that with or without the sarcasm, you can't wonder what if? what if I was less straightforward? what if I hid my feelings? what if I wasn't so sarcastic? would I have more friends? would certain people still be in my life? what ifs....just get rid of those what ifs here and now, and it will cause a lot less hardships and maybe even save you a few less therapy sessions.

However you use your words, try and be more tactful at times, and always know that words can come back to haunt you. same goes for your friends' words though too. Own your words. Say sorry only if you mean it, don't tell someone you love them just because they tell you they love you. Own it. Mean it. Say it with your heart.

Stay positive, don't be so down on yourself! You are truly beautiful inside and out. Those annoying sayings...people come in different shapes and sizes...beauty is in the eye of the beholder...yada yada. Well it's true. And you are beautiful just the way you are so own that too! You have a lot more going for you than you think. And yes, there will be people who take advantage of that, but please don't let them. Be kind to yourself and your body. Save it for those who truly deserve it. There are many other ways to feel good about yourself.

On more positive notes, keep dancing. even if it is only in your dorm room, or kitchen of your small apartment. Dance like nobodys watching. Sing in the shower. Wake up with a smile on your face knowing that you are a strong beautiful person. The people you met and will meet, treat them fair, treat them kind. Appreciate the short time you have with them. Friends and Family. Love whole-heartedly, with all that you have everyday to those who surround you and reciprocate the same love and feelings. I know its hard to trust people, and tell the difference between those who are sincere and those who are not. But you will find a way, you always do, and when you know, don't be mad when they walk out on you. Don't regret the time you had with each and everyone of them, for they contributed to the person you will be, whether it was in their presence or in their absence. You are strong, don't ever let anyone tell you different. And believe it. Believe in yourself and trust yourself, it helps when you are learning to trust others and give your love to others when you have more love and trust for yourself.

Lastly, fairytales only happen in movies. People are not perfect, love is not perfect, it truly is whether or not you are perfect for eachother. When you meet that person, don't rush it. It will happen, it will come, it will be. To love yourself so much that you can love another person no matter what their faults, petpeeves, etc.. are, to love them for better or worse, it will come, it will happen. Love happens when you are not looking for it, so just stop looking! Head up young person, your time will come and it may not be all that you dreamed when you were even younger than you are now, but it will be amazing. It will be more than all of that. Remember people aren't always who you think they are, and your dreams, well they may change too. All is well if you take it and run with it, think with your heart, love with all that you have, and know that this is still what you always wanted... to be happy. to love and be loved.

With Love,
Older Self