"I know it hurts. That's life. If nothing else, It's life. It’s real, and sometimes it f*in’ hurts, but it's sort of all we have."

anniversaries, birthdays, celebrations, deaths....life-it goes on without you. so wake up like you still have something to live for. wake up and honor those you've lost and never had the chance to say goodbye to by doing better, living better, eating better, exercising more, being more healthy so that quite frankly you dont drop dead in your bathroom like the healthiest woman you knew.

dates...the calendar, a constant reminder of what day it is, and what this day means and meant...how do you filter out the good with the bad and the ugly when images are so vivid each night you close your eyes and go to bed. we're so hard on ourselves when they're gone and there's nothing we could have done to stop them from being sick, having cancer, or dimentia...just hope and prayed they died as peacefully as they could have.

anger. sadness. loss. how do we tune out the bad times of those last days and simply go on laughing and smiling and appreciating the time we had with them. it's been years and whoever said time heals must have been the same guy who said high school was the best four years of your life. ha!

it might hurt less, but the pain and longing for them never goes away. what goes away is their smell (unless you can bottle it up somehow, let me know), their voice slowly fades, the phone calls stop, the i love you's (that were never said enough!) are only left in cards and on the back of pictures saved... their smell and voice and the way they used to laugh... only left in our heads to quiet sounds and empty rooms.

this post is dedicated to the ones I love.

kenny.auntie terry.phil.lindsey.sittoo.nonna.uncle jeff.auntie el.