jar of hearts.

writing prompt: to be inspired by the world...how can you look to the world and use it to inspire you creatively and help you compose writing that will tell your story and engage your readers? whether it be by news articles, recipes to your favorite meals, your book shelf, music on your ipod or in my case tonight, the radio.

Driving home in the rain and darkness this evening, reminded why I have yet to call him back, why I haven't thought twice about calling him, why this time, this time around, he's hurt me too many times to want to call him back. My best guy friend, the person I have probably invested the most time and love into besides my own family. I would have done anything for him, I did do almost anything for him...time and time again, he let me down, he said hurtful things, he didn't call, he didn't visit, he dated other girls, because I wasn't good enough, he liked me, he loved me, but not enough he said.... all these memories, this pain, revisited. Maybe if I hadn't been revisiting my journals from over the years, and ran into all the entries of hurt and pain with him, I would call him back, but maybe if I hadn't read my journals and called him back, would it be only weeks and months again for more hurt, more pain, and when, until how long would I be able to take it, wondering if more hurt would arise.

He doesn't deserve me, he had something great in his life, and he messed up. He messed up this time real bad, huge. Hurtful words of such beautiful things, love. Questioning me and my life choices when he could have continued to support and love me. continue? had he loved me all along and just had a funny way of showing it? no more defending people who don't deserve my defense....either way, there will be questions unanswered, wounds left open, and little pieces of my heart broken.

Jar of hearts by christina perri

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?