be thankful.

"Be thankful for every heartbreak, for they were planned. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. Their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. And you do."

it's been a few days... things are just as well I suppose...a little crankier today than yesterday, but just as emotional if not more...not sure why. Seasons changing? full moon? pmsing.. for months? pre-holiday season? been busier than ever on the weekends and working two jobs during the week, maybe it's just catching up to me....mind has been racing, body has been moving nonstop...need to slow down Lianne. I'm no good to you or myself when I'm like this. This, I haven't exactly felt this way before? overwhelmed, stressed, emotional, sure I've felt all of those things before, but not like this.

Be thankful for every heartbreak, for they were planned, and nothing was more planned than this past unplanned planned decision of my life. Third time is a charm... first time, I got Russell; second time, I moved to Maine; third time, I decided for myself. Be thankful for every heartbreak, for it teaches you a lesson for the next one, but may you be the last one. the one.

They shake you up...show your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get it. Shake you so silly that you can't eat, don't eat, don't recognize yourself, get wrapped so far around your thoughts, you can't think straight until one day you just can't take it anymore, you found your way out of the obstacle, your heart broken and happy at the same time, ready for the new obstacle, the new light. The light that came out of no where, and yeah sure, the old one came out of no where too, but this is different. you are different. I told you, I came to you, when everything in my life was going...going so fast, fast because I thought that's what I wanted, I thought that's the best I could have done, so I better keep going before it was too late, before I was going to end up alone. A friend I used to have, always said she'd end up in the nunnery because she could never find someone. I guess we all think at some point in our lives, that we might end up alone, or maybe we all don't think that way, just us pessimists, because this friend of mine, now that I can clearly see and look back on our friendship, I can hear the negativity. We're only as positive and motivating and happy as those we surround ourselves with.

because I have to believe that it's never too late to start over, more importantly it's never too late to make decisions for yourself and your own happiness, self worth, and heart. I know that I can have everything I have always wanted, the wedding, the kids, the marriage to someone who loves me, trusts me, respects me, and works with me. I know this, and I long for the day to have all of this. But for now I need to work on me, I need to continue my therapy on my own, I need to write more, take more me time, show you how grateful I am for you and to you, love and respect you and treat you the way you treat me and deserve...and out of control that you have to transform your life. And you do...and I am..

"You deserve a place that feels like home. You deserve some hands to hold. Hands to pull you past the broken moments, hands to catch you when you fall. Eyes to see you. To say you’re there, that you exist, that you change a room, that your presence is significant. Ears to hear you - hear your stories, hear you laugh. Ears to hear your questions and to say they matter."