In every shadow, there is a light...

It's been a little more of an emotional week than not. Who am I kidding… I have been an emotional little girl since I know my wedding is really happening, our wedding! I am getting married and I am beyond excited that this is finally happening for me!!!!!!! Even though my life has already begun with the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with; however, the wedding is well going to be amazing…and our marriage, well our marriage will be great too, filled with communication and lots of it, love, support, trust and respect. 

I have had lots on my mind, and not about our wedding, the wedding planning is going well and we could have it any day now if we didn't already pick a date in december, haha. And planning things for my best friend's wedding in August!!!! so fun, but what really has been on my mind a lot this week, are the deja vu feelings of death happening over and over. 

This past week and a half, or two weeks for that matter, since Miss lost her grandfather while we were vacationing in Myrtle Beach with her family, and then to learn about a young boy who her sister's husband had coached on the football team, studying abroad in Italy and dying due to foul play or something I'm not too sure of, and then again with her sister losing one of their three dogs. I guess bad things do happen in threes, or fours, or fives… A girl I used to dance with lost her youngest brother to suicide and is now not only grieving the loss of her brother and absolute best friend, but is also now an only child. 

Deju vu feelings of my losses years ago, and yes they may hurt less, but for every holiday, birthday, anniversary or family gathering for that matter, they are missed, thought about and wished they were here still. So I guess with my wedding coming up, and death all around us as we end the winter season soon, I am a bit more emotional than usual. I just don't understand how people can take their own life, and/or why good people die so young. 

I love the person I am, and I wish those I have lost could see me now. For I truly can say I love myself no matter how many zits I may have on my face, no matter the length of my annoying facial hair at times, and no matter the weight on the scale. Good things come to those who wait, and I'm glad I finally have the chance. 

"Almighty God, I come to you because I am struggling inside. I dwell on the past hurts and heartaches and refuse to let them go and forgive. For that, forgive me. I spend so much time as a worrier, looking within, that I forget the promise of your son, given for me. For that I need forgiveness. I focus too many times on useless speculation of the unknown and fail to recall your promise of the Holy Spirit. Forgive me! For not remembering that you…live within and beside me forever. AMEN"

That was printed in the church program a fews weeks ago, and for obvious reasons it kinda stuck with me. So take it as you wish, but I do believe it may relate to most of you reading this in some way or another. GOD, something you believe in, someone you have lost…