childhood lane.

Yesterday was quite different than my typical Sundays have been....I went to visit an old friend from back in elementary school throughout college...and just to top it off, after that visit, I relived some more childhood memories in the house I grew up in good ol' Auburn! Just a rather emotional weekend all together I suppose. Visiting my parents house friday night, which is the house my grandmother lived in all her life when she was living, that was short and sweet, well more short than sweet one might say. Started out with great intentions, just a visit after another long day at work, looking up vacation spots, but not as a whole family as I was much looking forward to since the last one was over 10 years ago now. Til the day we get to take another one... I'll just keep holding onto the time we had in Disney 2001. Instead looking to use my mom's last week of her timeshare with my brother and his girlfriend and my special someone, until later finding out they can't make the trip due to prior commitments out of their control. Just my luck I suppose.... so why the visit not so sweet one may ask? Just a meaningless "Hi" from a brother I have not truly seen or hung out with in person since I don't know when, at least a year now...and leaving the house with the sweet sounds of parents who have been together for so long, quarreling. nothing out of the ordinary, and I'm sure shit like this happens in every household, I am just ready to move on, or perhaps rewind, since the fast forward button seems to be temporarily broken.

Don't get me wrong, there is soo much love in my family, immediate and extended, but it's just not the same. Nothing is the same. That's the beauty in the world too I suppose. a catch 22, a lose lose or a win win situation. Change is good. For if there were no change, what would one have to look forward to? I'm rambling, but I need to and you can very well just stop reading if need be, or maybe you feel similar to my crazy mind and heart, but just hadn't put it down in writing, which is harder to do sometimes for me believe it or not. Like in this moment, when I have so much to say, so much I feel, but at the same time I feel I have written these feelings before.

Childhood. Everything was relatively easier when you were a child I suppose. The ignorance is bliss sort of deal...until one day everything just hits you in the face, and maybe you don't realize just how "easy" it was back then until you find yourself one Sunday afternoon visiting a dear old friend. A friendship that was just lost and gone separate ways, at no fault of mine or hers, but simply gone in different directions. amazing. Friendships actually end that way sometimes, and you can revisit them years later not feeling the least bit nervous or awkward on your visit. Catching up on old times, talking more about the present, touring her new house...when did we become old enough to own houses? Well I'll be lucky I ever see that day... I can barely dig my way out now...but thats neither here nor there. Laughing over the people we used to call "friends," happy for FB, and for not defriending her on my rampaging nights, trying to remember last names and where we saw them last, but not really caring anyways. More importantly talking about getting together again, going shopping or grabbing some lunch. craziness.

On my way to Auburn, the house I lived in since I was 3.. I don't know which was more strange, driving through the town looking around like it was now a foreign place, or pulling into the driveway, parking my car and walking up the stairs with the new hand railing, placing my hand on the door knob only to find it locked and having to knock on the kitchen bay window. Looking into a kitchen with now only the same counter tops, wallpaper, cabinets and fixtures. And even more crazy walking around seeing not a single thing of mine, ah ha, until walking into my old bedroom. Dawn's son left the four sticky window clings I once decorated out a box craft in like fifth grade. ah, mine. my memories, even if they were only four 2X2 decorated window clings. They were mine, still "living" in the house. It's just a house after all, so everyone says...until they have to move out of their house, the only house they ever knew... how could you not feel something silly when walking back into it with other peoples belongings. a bit strange. straight out of a movie. ha.

And last but not least, going to see Mary Poppins on Saturday in the middle of all this crazy emotional stuff this past weekend. What says childhood like Mary Poppins??? It was amazing, simply amazing, even better than I had anticipated. Such a perfect day indeed.

So thank you for this weekend, for those who participated in my weekend, for reminding me of how great my childhood really was, for the revisiting the happier times, and reminding me of the times I would not go back to even if you paid me... even if I sometimes miss those days, those people, those places...