Accept today. It truly is a gift many won't get.

I can only speak for myself about the quote above, it holds a lot of truth. As easy as it sounds, It hasn't been the easiest process for me…about ten years in the making…but there was something about the tuesday night aa meeting that brought a new light to the whole concept of acceptance and forgiveness. 

It was step 2, "came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity," the topic of discussion and like every Tuesday night many people shared and again there were a few things of what people said that caught my attention more than the rest. If we don't believe in a higher power whether that person be God or whomever or whatever.... We have to believe that we are not in control of all things. There is always going to be death, accidents, loss and a change of your plans because you can't control everything nor everyone. We have to forgive those who hurt us but more importantly forgive ourselves. Someone else spoke of "let it happen." Ahh that is such a struggle for me on a daily basis. My life was just happening with alcohol but in a different sense of the phrase... It was happening and I had absolutely no to little control about those drinking nights...that only led to not arrests or duis, but just headaches, heartaches and confusion. Why was I adding more of that into my life? Was it really helping me forget the past hurt? No, it added more hurt and more heartache and thoughts of loneliness forever. 

I don't need that anymore. I don't have drama in my life like that anymore. Alcohol added so much fun, yeah sure but so much confusion, empty lonely thoughts and more headaches. It was a temporary novacane for me. 

I have cried more in the past four months than I have in a long time. The novacane is no longer there. The reality of life is and how there are some things we can not control or even plan no matter how hard we try. And to really understand things that have happened to me in my life, I needed to remove alcohol because with all that liquid courage came much confusion and drama and dwelling. I don't want to feel how I have felt for past years and years. I've always wanted to forgive and most importantly move on with my life accepting the things I can not change, accepting those who have forever left my life on this earth, and those who have chose to not be apart of my life for whatever reasons. 

I am no longer chasing those reasons, unanswered questions or lost hopes. I am embracing today and all of my flaws and everything that makes me so strong, beautiful and lovig because I am all of those things and much more. 

Walking in to the room this past Tuesday and having Paula and Alex and Sam say Hi Lianne and even Hi Missy was some kind of big feeling I can't really explain, other than awesome and fulfilling. It made my heart happy. 

She makes my heart happy too. I wouldn't have had that time with my brother (in my last blog) if I wasn't sober and the same for him. I couldn't be more proud of him for staying with his school and finishing soon, and giving him his addiction that has haunted him for years. 

There is so much to be thankful for, so much that makes me happy and so much I have been missing out on. I have all that I need and will be blessed with whatever each day brings to us.