a little patience and a lot of faith

There is so much truth in this quote. I remember being told this as early as middle school by so called friends. And I wouldn't really understand, and never really understood why I shouldn't say how I feel. This is me, that was me, so what if I said what was on my mind. I'm glad I never really listened to my so called friends, because it led me here. Say how you feel, always. No regrets, yes sure I have said some silly stuff or not so great stuff, but those were the choices I made and I tell her just about every week or so that she is my reason. It goes along with the quote above…"it always ends up just the way it should be." It sure does. 

Everything happens for a reason, and everything is worth it. The waiting, the hoping, the searching…all the stuff we go through to get to where we should be, to get to where we think we may never end up, it couldn't be more worth it when you finally get there. And I am here. I finally got here and it's so much better than I could have ever dreamt. 

We are planning a wedding, looking for house, paying my car off, doing things, saving money, changing my focus on to my family, our families, my sobriety, making better choices, looking forward to church sundays, and family dinners, and day trips with each other getting lost on the open road. These things some of which I have done before and some I have not, either way, they are all new. New experiences, new adventures, new me…more meaningful experiences, more fun adventures, a more meaningful me. 

I don't do small changes. Something I thought about today and yesterday. I do big things or nothing at all. I go all out or stay all in. Like when I got my eyebrow pierced, or went out and bought a dog…both with little thought but I very much knew I wanted both of these things so I did/got them. I have made other life changes that others may have not understood at the time, but looking back, no regrets, and am happier than ever. I have had some deja vu with all of these big changes again with my most recent big change of not drinking….deciding to be sober, quit drinking…however you word it, talk about it or label it, I have made another big change in my life that people may or may not approve or question it. I am being a more meaningful me, living my life in a different way than I have, yes, but a more meaningful me, doing things I have never even imagined I would in my lifetime. Looking for a house? Paying off my 34,000 dollar car loan? what what??? Holding the same job for the past five years? I am doing the most meaningful things I have ever done in my life and it feels great!! 

It's a transition. It's a change. It's something that will take time and patience. Will it all be worth it? Will I lose some people who were once close to me? Yes and Yes. But again, for the second time in my life, I am doing me, and that's not always easy. 

I never thought I would find a love like ours, ever. I never thought I'd see the day I am paying this car loan off….someday very soon I will be holding the title to the very first car I will own, and I never ever thought I would own a house someday…and all of this is because of you, because of US. I love you more than you can even imagine, but I hope someday, someday sooner than later, you know just how much I do love you, and am so grateful you showed up in my life again. 

You are my reason. I love you, I love us.