Missy Monday's married style!

On this edition of Missy Monday's... It is Tuesday haha...but oh well.

A month today... And the countup, not countdown continues :-) Our first month of marriage today! And although we would prefer to still be in Florida on our amazing honeymoon, since our heat isn't working out the best way possible right now, it's been quite the month! Quite the short 15 months we have been together, in the big scheme of life! She is my bestfriend, my motivator, my partner, my support, my love!! 

There is no one I would rather spend these adventures with, whether it be dangling from a zipline as you record me, boot camping it in downpouring rain while putting our shed together, or trudging up in the attic!! 

I am so excited to see what month two may bring! One day at a time as you remind me daily and help me and mostly my mind continue to grasp that concept! 

I find peace in your touch, strength in your struggle, happiness in your hugs, and love in your kisses! 

Cheers to more cribbage games, the gas heater hopefully costing us way less money when we finally get to use it, and other every day adventures with you next month!!!!! 

Short and sweet just like us!

I love you Goysband!!!!! 

Love is what keeps us going...

14 years ago this very week, we laid you to rest, and our lives were changed forever. The day we laid you to rest, still in shock you were really gone, was Tuesday January 16th, 2001. Weird that this year, this week, it was the day you died, tuesday the 13th.

You courageously stopped fighting your battle with breast cancer on Tuesday January 13, 2001, at a young age of 51 years old, just three months shy to the day of what would have been your 52nd birthday! I was just a baby, barely 18 years old and starting my second semester of college. You were just a baby yourself, 51 is so young!

 I should have been back to college already the weekend you passed, and on January 16th, the day of your burial services, would have been the first night of my Psychology Death and Dying class, which obviously I missed, and headed back to school later in the week. So weird, the way the universe works. Really? great timing for my death and dying class!! Thank goodness it was only one night a week; it was a rough one as any one could have imagined! I got by with the help of my friend Ryan who was in the class and also lived down the hall from me. I had many other support systems while away from my family, which I am very thankful. Who knew your passing would mark the beginning of our family's nightmares and losses for the next seven years... hitting us hard with too many too soon in just a short four years, and then taking your husband, my uncle, away from us in 2007. With every ending, there are many beginnings...your girls got married, started having children, other cousins were getting married, photos were being taken, moments treasured, people and relationships changing. We all deal with death in our own ways, no way being right or wrong. Regardless of how we dealt with all the loss around us individually, I think it brought us closer together as an extended family, even if it was just for a few short years.

January 13, 2007... six years after your passing, I got my first tattoo, in your honor. I have a way of doing things and putting a spin on it, so my family will approve I guess or I think anyways!! (like naming my dog Russell after my Sittoo! haha) I dragged my little brother to come with me for support. It was so freshly done, still covered with a bandage for the memorial service at the church for you. I remember it like it was yesterday... I was showing it off after church, at auntie's house where we had a brunch get together. My mom thought, "it's bigger than I thought, but I like it!" It was just perfect. A red ladybug with a halo over it and on my right shoulder, always looking out for me.

Lady bugs mean different things to many people, some consider them a nousance when their house is invested, others think of them as a blessing, and when you see them not in their usual seasons, maybe a lost loved one. I've told the story time and time again, we all have. My aunt in North Carolina saw a couple of lady bugs about a year after, or maybe it was a month after, her sister's passing and thought it was her and her dad, who she lost at nine years old. That's all it took, then a few of us up here in New England saw them slowly throughout our homes... random ones, by themselves. We were hooked, and you will find many different lady bug figurines, ceramics, towels, candles and whatnot in all of our homes. Whatever it may be that helps you get through your tough times, ours are ladybugs!

Ladybug showing up in ones life foretells a time of luck and protection.Seen often as a messenger of promise, the ladybug reconnects us with the joy of living. Fear and joy can not co-exist. We need to release our fears and return to love  - this is one of the messages that the ladybug brings to us. Ladybug teaches us how to restore our trust and faith in the great spirit.   When the ladybug appears, it is telling us to get out of our own way and allow the great spirit to enter into our lives. The ladybug is also one of the few beetles that are well liked by humans. Unlike other beetles, the ladybug brings a feeling of joy to us. Its small size signifies a delicate and loving nature. It portrays the energy of harmlessness and can show us how to stop self harm.

Fourteen years... fourteen years is a long time, a year is a long time, 30 seconds is a long time some days!! I was SUCH a baby, 18 years old, and looking back now, not sure what I was doing, who I was becoming...just trying to find my way, ANY way really, like a typical 18 year old in her first year of college, I'd like to think. what happened in the later years well I'm not too sure. I've always said, some people do drugs, some people further their education/degrees, some people look for love in all the wrong places. But as I also always say, what's done is done and we learn and grow from our past mistakes. I also wouldn't be the person I am today having not grown stronger from those experiences!

As I was driving to work this morning, the sky had such a quiet wintery cold feeling to it. However, the bright band of yellow brushed the sky where the sun was coming up over the lake on the mass pike! You couldn't see the sun, but by the bold yellow color lighting up that part of the sky, you knew the sun was there! I immediately thought of you and maybe you were with me in that very moment, somewhere i couldn't see you, but your presence was beaming over us in that beautiful yellow coloring above. It was a picture I wise I could have captured. 

There is never a day that goes by when I don't wish you, among all the others I have lost, were here. My high school graduation party at your house and Thanksgiving... a couple of the very last family celebrations you shared with us. Such a long long time ago!!! A lot has happened in fourteen years! A lot has happened in a year! Life is far too precious to not do what you love and love who you love. The only constant thing in life is change, and the only guarantee in life is death... So it may have taken me fourteen years to get here, but I'm here! I found someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with me no matter how short or long that may be; no matter how tough or easy that may be; no matter what through sickness and health, just like your husband did for you!  I'm happy I never gave up the fight! I never gave up this crazy fight we call life. It beats the alternative, right??. The scary unknown... The otherside... The heaven that everyone wants to go to but they are too afraid of dying!!!  I'm happy that no matter how bad it was, I kept on going!  You have to put up with the rain to see the rainbows!!  

If I have learned anything this past year, these past fourteen years... is that I am stronger than I ever given myself credit for, I am worthy of love, happiness and great things /people that come my way, and to keep it simple! We are not promised tomorrows so make todays count! 

          "Do you love her?" "Yes!" "Does she make you happy?" "Yes!!" "Then what else is there?"

                                            

Missy Mondays are back.. Married editions :)

on this edition of Missy Monday... we are MARRIED!!!!! incase you didn't get the memo on any other social media network/website, or my last post about our wedding, hahaha. Today was a good day! A happy Monday. I didn't let anyone get to me at work, quite frankly, I've just been doing my work and minding my own. Today is 12 day! the 12th of January or also known as 13 months since Miss asked me to marry her!!!!! And I of course said YES! (Sorry Carmen, but there will always be countdowns or count reversals to something! hhaha.)

This past weekend was just a really, relaxing, fun, low-key weekend and it felt great!! The first weekend in our home married, enjoying each other and just being in our home! We own a home and we are married!!! It's still so surreal sometimes!! A year can bring such wonderful things you weren't even looking for, which makes them a zillion times better!!!!! Good things do happen to good people, you just can't go looking for it all the time, or it will drive you nuts! Love just happens, Life happens and my life is AMAZING!! 

It's cold, snowy, rainy, and colder than it has to be since electric heat is ridiculously priced, we are winging it with our little space heaters until our gas heater arrives. The old Lianne would be so negative or worrisome about every little thing, but I am so loving this country life! We even played some cribbage this weekend with the patriots cribbage board I bought and gave to her on our wedding day! Best out of three, she won, but I did win the first game, beginners luck, but I did have a big 17 move in one of my turns!! Oh yeah. haha. It's the little things like this weekend that make life worth it. It's playing cribbage, going to church (being put on the spot by your pastor announcing to people gathering for coffee hour that we have newlyweds in the house, it was sweet), going shopping, coming home and eating dinner at home, packing up your lunch for work the next day, taking vitamins...etc. Life is so good. 

It's also about accomplishing some really big personal goals. Being sober for 365+ days! A week ago tomorrow, I received my first year coin/chip!!! A huge accomplishment, I never thought about doing, ever. It is something I needed to do and I did. I am doing it every day, choosing to make the best choices for me, despite the social pressures in the world to drink! You change your playmates and playgrounds, and you start hanging around the people who share similar interests. The people with crazier drinking stories than you, but who are some of the most normal people you have ever met. People you look forward to being around, people who are knowledgable about home improvement tasks, people who genuinely care about your best interests and wanting to help you improve your life, etc.  Miss drove me to work last week on coin day, and she kept a secret from me, but it was awesome. The two of us went to the meeting, and saw everyone after having not been there for a couple weeks because of our honeymoon. They welcomed us back with open arms of course. Smiles and happiness, and surprises when my brother walked in the room!! My brother, my parents, and a cake that said "Congratulations Lianne" in purple icing, buttercream frosting and rainbow colored circles around the top of the marble cake. I was so surprised to see him there, and even more surprised that Miss knew and didn't tell me! I got two shout outs during the meeting about celebrating Lianne's one year, and how it was a special night! The feeling is indescribable, and even more so when the man who I asked to give me my chip, got up and spoke about me. To be honest, I didn't know what he would say, but he nailed it, bringing us both to be a little choked up. He didn't know when and how we became more than meeting peers, but friends, and even friends on the book, but it just happened and he said he was honored to be a part of my journey and see how far I have come. "she's a newlywed, a homeowner... and she got her smile back" I sure did! I was blotting my tears in the corner of my eyes, smiling so big, everyone clapping and I was walking up there to receive my one year chip that I certainly did earn! I gave him a great big hug, and blew out my 1 candle on the cake, and then my turn to talk. No matter how comfortable I feel in that room, it's still a little intimidating with all eyes on you! "Hi my name is Lianne, I'm an alcoholic...I want to thank everyone in this room for their support, I'm not sure how I got here, well yes I do know how I got here, I changed my playmates and playgrounds like people in here suggested. I'll never forget the first day I came to this meeting, my first AA meeting, it was April Fools Day. (Maybe it's a reminder of all the foolish stuff I did when I was drinking) and the first few times I was just Hi my name is Lianne, but then hey why not, my stories weren't as crazy as some of you in here, but if you always compare yourself to others, then nothing is ever going to be bad for yourself, because there is always something worse out there, or always someone who has it worse than you, but it's not about that.. it's about knowing your own rock bottom, knowing your own worst, not anyone else's. It wasn't easy.. I think everyone should come to an AA meeting, because you crazy people are the most normal people I know! This is the best free therapy I have and will ever get. Thank you..." Something along those lines is what I shared, received my hugs, and then cut some cake!! Not that I like to see my parents choked up, but it was nice to see that they were really proud of me. And as I told Miss on the way to the meeting, it was like I was more excited for this meeting than a dance recital! But then when I saw my brother, I was like this really is better than a dance recital and being the center of attention on stage, because my brother(s) never went to any of my dance recitals, and here he was, one of them anyways! 

And for my wife better known as my goysband, Missy, my life, my best friend, my soul mate, my forever... I will continue to say it as long as I live... You are my reason! You saved me from myself! I am going to love you all the days of my life.