"You’ll get over it…” It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain hurts less...but the gap never closes. How could it?...This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it."
six years. its crazy how day to day nothing seems to change, but looking back on six years, my how things have changed, the people I've met, the jobs I've held, the relationships I've been in, the new friends I've made, the old friends I've lost, the cars I've bought, the places I've lived, the places I've visited...so many stories, so many memories that I can't share with you. If only you could see me now, part of you might be shocked at the stuff I've done and changed, but I know that deep down you'd be proud and you'd be happy and you'd be supportive. I wish I knew what you would think of all of this, and what you would say to me..if you could be here now. We all wish you could be here now. I never thought I'd miss the sound of someones voice the way I do, the way you answered the phone and we'd always laugh, the way you went down the line of your childrens' names to get to the right one you were trying to talk to or about...your voice, your smell. two of the things I miss most. funny, because you'd think it would be your cooking, but mom has stepped it up a bit... it's crazy how much leb food she cooks these days. maybe it's the house, maybe it's you. It is the house, it is you. maybe it's her way of missing you, cooking like you used to. six years. love you. miss you. thinking of you always.
You never "get over "it". Time provides some kindness in easing the sting of the pain, but it always there...in the moments that are so happy and you wish they were there and realize they never will be again, in the times when you are so frustrated because remembering is the only thing that you can do.
ReplyDeleteIt's not fair.
And although they are still with us, watching us, even guiding us if we really listen, it is just not the same as being able to feel their arms around you or feel them wipe away your tears.
Memories are a beautiful thing, sometimes all we have to hold on to. So the way that I see it, you have two choices. #1. Let your heart harden with bitterness and anger or #2. Be grateful for the time you did have together.
Sometimes #1 is easier and provides a temporary fix for the pain because it can shield you, but I think #2 is the way to go. It's the way they would want it and life really is a beautiful thing that should never be taken for granted.
I miss my mom.
Thanks for sharing this and wishing you lots of peace in your heart and happy memories.
I lost my Dad when I was 16 and my Mom 7 years ago. I miss both of them very much! I had hoped that at least Mom could have seen Janelle go to high school, graduate and now attend WPI. I know both of them are very proud of her because she is attending the same college that my Dad graduated from. She even has a framed book cover from WPI that my Dad had on one of his old books from 1952 on her desk in her dorm! TJ would of made them laugh with his work ethic and drive. But they would have been very proud of his compassion for others. I don't think it really ever gets easier because you always have those times when you wish they were there or that you could just talk to them or hug them and tell them you love them. So, I still do talk out loud sometimes and then pray for their help. It is nice to know that others feel the same way.
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing your memories with me, and words of wisdom :) Im not angry all the time, mostly sad when I do think back, tears follow both sadness and happiness, looking back at the times we all shared. :)
ReplyDelete