Wow, these lights are bright. I hate public speaking by the way. But tonight I am coming out as confused and coming out of my comfort zone. The people who spoke earlier motivated me to come up here and share my story. Although I don't have any light bulb kind of moment when I knew I was gay. Well I'm not gay, or a lesbian or whatever,... I have never been one for labels...maybe it's my psychology degree in me. But anyways....People have recently asked me "when did you come out?" and "how long have you been gay?" and my answer was "ummm....welll....." yeah so here is my story. Not too sure where to start, either the fourth grade sleepovers I had with my friends and we would make out, apparently I thought that was normal because all growing up I was boyyyyyyy crazy!!!! I admire those who came up to speak tonight, I am turning 31 in ten days and I still don't have my life together. So it's kinda funny that I'm like the last one to speak tonight, because I am the last one to do everything, lose my virginity, get married, figure out my life, cause well I still haven't figured it out, but there is no magical number when you have to have it all figured out. I had my first real girl crushes in college, the safest place to have those feelings. I went to UMaine Farmington, a very gay friendly school. And yeah...one Christmas while standing at the sink doing dishes at the sink with my mom, I was like "I like girls," and she was like "tell me something I don't know." My mom is awesome. But that's not really when it happened for me, I still dated guys after that, I dated and liked girls, I had sex with guys and girls and I was even engaged to a man. Being proposed to was one of the best feelings in the world, feeling so loved and thinking you have it all, but unfortunately it didn't work out. I actually fell for someone who was a woman, and called her out on her being gay because she wasn't out to her family yet or even to herself completely yet, even though she knew inside she was a lesbian. So yeah, breaking off my engagement was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I dealt with some other hard things, like losing loved ones to death in my early twenties. As much as I still miss them so much everyday, those experiences taught me many things, and especially gave me strength to make it through this...breaking off my engagement, and falling in love with a woman. All of these things made me stronger, more sarcastic, as it was my defense mechanism to survive, and more open, and able for me to stand up here in front of you tonight. Maybe this will resonate with some of you, or a friend of yours or whoever. maybe not now, maybe years from now. Because if I have learned anything, it's that life is way too short to be unhappy and angry with yourself, love yourself. No one is going to love yourself more than you, and be comfortable with yourself, because only then can you be comfortable with others. So yeah I guess that's it. Thank you.
and round of applause, and people saying thank you for sharing, and I'm glad I stayed. And after listening to one more speaker, we walked out, signed our "coming out as..." on this white painted door in the Grind, the on campus club where concerts and such are held at Clark University, for national coming out day! As we walked out to sign the door and then leave to our cars, a speaker named Becca, who attends Clark and had just spoken a few people before me, looked at me and said "you rock" as I walked by her. I said "aw, thank you!! you do too!!!" She was married to man and now since divorced at the young age of 24 and identifies herself as gay/lesbian. All of the stories tonight were special in their own way, and it was something I will definitely attend in the future!
When I got to my car tonight, I was soo very proud of myself. I did it!!! And there were still at least 20-30 people in the room to listen to me, to my story! aaaahhhhh. I couldn't help but smile ear to ear and feel so naturally high, hopeful, happy and proud to share tonight.
